Red Eyes.

I'm sorry it's been so long since I have updated y'all on anything. It's been pretty crazy as this school year comes to a close. I will go ahead and share the prayer requests first because they are the most important.

A few of my teammates are still struggling with funds, as far as I know. We leave very soon. Please pray that God would provide peace and money to them all as they wait.

Pray for the team. Pray that God would be able to finish what He wants to have completed in us all before we leave the country. Pray for a spirit of unity and love for us all this summer.

Pray for the missionaries that are busy getting everything worked out for all the interns and volunteers coming this summer.

Here is a selfish one: I have to fly to Japan by myself. As much as I've flown, I have never flown alone before. And I have a layover on the West coast before I can get on the plane for Tokyo. I know God has everything under control and I have nothing to fear, but I am still nervous about a long day of traveling alone. Mostly switching from the domestic terminal to the international one, getting lost, and missing my flight or luggage. I know these are stupid, petty worries. I know that worry is sin. Please pray that God would give me peace about it all, and that I would stop sinning with my worry.

As some of y'all may know, my Grandpa (Dad's dad) passed away on Sunday. Today was his funeral. He had been sick for a long time, and was a believer so his passing has been bittersweet for my family. Alzheimer's robbed my sister and I the chance of really getting to know him, so I knew it wasn't quite as hard for me as it was for my dad, aunts, and older cousins, but it still hit me harder than I thought it would. My Grandpa was an amazing man of God. My oldest cousin did the funeral this morning and it was full of stories about how much my Grandpa did for Hope Baptist church, our family, and the Lord. I realized today just how rich of a Christian heritage I come from. When I was younger and lived in a mostly Hispanic town, I was frustrated with the fact that I didn't really have much of an ethnic heritage to claim like most of my friends did. I now see how foolish I was. My heritage is eternal. As Christians, our citizenship lies in Heaven, not on earth. How wonderful is it that God has given me a family where I can really start to understand that. I have no idea why Father has richly blessed me like He as, but I am incredibly and eternally thankful. He gave me two wonderful, Godly grandfathers who truly value His Word. He gave me two precious, Godly grandmothers who love me deeply with a love more than their own. He gave me the best parents that I could even imagine to ask for. I know that to whom much is given much is expected.

I know that this summer, much is expect of me. As much as I feel prepared, or at least as much as I can be before I go, satan has been creeping in with a fear that I will fail, that I will not love the interns as I should, that I will be selfish and silly, that I will be as bold as I have been called to be. I am 13 days away from getting on a plane and I feel less prepared than I did at the beginning of this semester. I have let fear creep in. I hate satan so stinking much! I know that I have everything I need, I have God. I cannot ask for anything more. I have the Holy Spirit working and moving inside of me. I need nothing else. God is working, Jesus is seated, and the Spirit is helping. Brad said that at our JSI Leadership retreat, and Father can never remind me of that enough.

Today was hard. But God is so faithful and sovereign. I got back from Hope and pretty much came straight to the library to study because I have two finals on Friday (Oh yeah, if you could pray for finals that would be awesome). I hadn't been able to really do my quiet time this morning so I sat down and did that first, I could feel it in my soul that I needed that most. If I had read this morning, I don't know if it would have meant as much. My soul was crying out for its food for the day, and Father brought a feast. The reading plan I am on had 2 Corinthians listed to read. Friends, I have not felt this renewed and joyful in a long time. My outer self was wasting away, but my spirit was strengthened. The ministry that God has called me to this summer is His, not mine. The interns I am called to shepherd are His, I am still a simple little sheep myself. I have been reminded of the freedom of serving in any kind of leadership position doesn't mean that I have to do more, but so much less in order to let Him receive more and more glory, that is rightfully His anyway. Praise God for His Word, the gift of the Holy Spirit to understand it, and the sacrifice of His Son for our sins to bring us the salvation that must come first.

"So we do not lost heart. Though our outer nature is wasting away, our inner nature is being renewed day by day. For this slight momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not at the things that are seen but to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:16-18

Never easy, never safe. It's enough.

To the glory and praise of our Great Father, I am officially done with my fundraising. God brought in exactly what I needed exactly when I needed it every step of the way. I was never super late and I had just enough for every payment. He is faithful. And, it is so great to be done. I have loved learning, but it's very nice to know that I am paid for. To all of you who have given, you have no idea what your generosity means to me. You as just as important in this story as I am. Thank you for being faithful and helping me fulfill God's calling for this summer.

This past weekend I got to go to the iGo Global leadership retreat. It was sooo great to meet my time and spend time with them, as well as team leaders from other iGo trips and of course the iGo staff. I can honestly say that I have never learned so much in such a short time before. I was challenged to the core, I'm still processing it all. I'm sure I will write a post about it all, but it may take a couple more days. To give you a teaser or sorts, I feel focused in on the task at hand and equipped to start the mission God has given. I'm not completely ready just yet though, or else I'd be writing this from Tokyo rather than College Station. I think the key to this all, and the spark that set everything off in my heart is the song "Crazy Love" by Robbie Seay Band.

It is a beautiful song. The line that gets me is: "It's never easy, never safe. It's enough, it's enough," referring to God's love. I was listening to it on the way up to visit some friends before the retreat. As I was sitting in Ft. Worth traffic I realized for the first time that even if I wanted to, I couldn't walk away from God. I have nowhere else to go. I have nothing else to do. I know nothing would fill me, not even close. For the first time in my life, I realized how deep in this I actually am. It hit me with the force of a hurricane. I don't want to live life for myself. I don't want the easy, the safe, the ordinary. There is so much more than a safe Christian life. I am coming to the point where I will just leave my yes on the table and finally be able to follow God no matter what the cost. I've tasted and I've seen how great and marvelous and crazy the love of our Father is. I don't want to be any part of who I am if it would keep me from living completely for His glory. I am not that great, important, funny, or worth it. Nothing is. He is it. If it means I lose my friends or my laugh or anything that people like about me, then so be it. Everything that is in me God gave me for His glory. I want to live radically for the bottom line. God is leading me on this hard, dangerous, beautiful, exhilarating adventure and there is nowhere else I'd rather be. It may cost me everything, but anything other than God is utter rubbish, crap even, compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing my Savior God and King more.

I used to think that my testimony was boring. But the truth is, God has really kept me out of a lot of trouble in my life. It's not that I'm a "good kid". Not even close. I'm not. God has kept me from the hard things. I don't know why He chose that for me, but I am very thankful. It doesn't mean anything but that He chose to reveal more of His glory in my life that way. Looking back, I see His grace and protection all through my life to this point. I have also realized that all this time I struggled trusting God because I was scared He would start working on me, then just leave. I was soooo off. He was always there, I was the one that left. That realization hit me like a ton of bricks. I had never even thought of it that way. My testimony is not boring. To say that is calling God boring. He chooses to manifest His glory differently in every single one of His children. His love for us is crazy, it's unpredictable, and it takes us places we never thought we would go.

Right now, we are in the home stretch of pre-trip preparation. There is a lot between now and May 18th. But no matter what happens, God's love is changing me, preparing me, ruining me. Stay tuned friends, this is only the beginning.

Pray. Serve. Love.

At approximately this time next Saturday, I will be meeting and/or reuniting with my teammates for the summer. To say that I am excited is an understatement. I've been waiting for this weekend pretty much all semester. I can't wait to meet the people behind the names and Facebook profiles. I can't wait to start the process of getting to know everyone deeply and learning how to pray for, serve, and love on them.

Speaking of praying, serving, and loving, these are the words God as given me to focus on this summer. I want to pray harder than I ever have. I want to serve completely selflessly. I want to love as Christ loves. This is probably the best way to pray for me personally, that God would really develop all three of those in my life now, in Japan, and beyond. It will take ample amounts of patience, obedience, and abandonment of myself and my desires. It's going to be a long hard road, but I know it will be beautiful. God has so much more for me that just me. Please pray that I would start now. That I would wake up every morning, turn the reigns over to Father, and walk as He calls me too. Satan has already started his resistance. I am afraid my selfishness will get in the way. I am far too fond of myself and what I want to fully pour myself out. I don't want this to be an issue. I want to serve people, not just please them. The moment I stop striving to serve and just start trying to please is when satan starts to win. Please pray against that. I know who God is calling me to be. I know I have everything I need to get there, or more simply, I have the Spirit of the Living God living in me. It's not about what I can do, but what I will let Him do instead. It's not about me. Period. I just want to disappear. I have been holding onto who I want to be for so long. I don't want to be who I am if it's not who God wants me to be. Life is not about being funny and liked, it's about bringing glory to the Creator and Savior of the universe. Pray that I will disappear and let Him transform me, no matter what I have to let go of (some verses God as given me for this summer are John 15:12-13, Philippians 2:3, and Colossians 4:2-5. There are a ton more, but God has given these specifically).

Our deadline is also a week from today. God has been gracious and I only need a few hundred. Words cannot express how thankful I am to God and to all those who have helped me get where I am. I have been so blessed in this whole fundraising process. God has taught me so much, but I'm not going to lie, I will be VERY happy and relieved to be done. Some of my teammates are not as far along as I am. One sweet girl still needs about half. That is not much for God is a week, but that seems almost impossible in our small, limited human minds. Please pray that God would work a miracle in her life in fundraising. Please pray for my other teammates who are not quite there yet either. I fully expect God to come through and I can't wait to hear the amazing stories of His sweet faithfulness next week.

Thank y'all for your prayers and support. Because of y'all, God is doing great things in me life. I would not be where or who I am without y'all. I love you all dearly.

Do you trust Me?

Well friends, a lot has happened recently.

Last week, due to a misunderstanding, I thought my trip was almost completely paid for. I was so relieved and was just praising our Father. A couple of hours later I was informed that instead of needing $40, I actually needed $940. Satan really used it to shake me up a little bit and just blatantly taunted me. I thought I had done a good job about giving the fundraising part to God. I wasn't as good as I thought. It's been really hard this past week not worrying about the money. My final deadline in April 11. I know $940 is nothing for God, and that He is above what we think our time lines should be. I wanted to be done early. He planned differently. God did give me a very good illustration tonight though.

I work at the Association of Former Students here at A&M. I call former students to make sure we have the correct information for them and to ask for donations to a scholarship fund of sorts. For most of this semester we have been calling people that have never given before. It's been tough work. Last week my boss made this wonderful deal that the first gift we got of a certain amount that we got, as long as we has at least a 25% success rate, we could leave early and get paid for the full shift. Last week I got out within an hour of every shift. Tonight wasn't working out that way. There were only about 5 of us left and I have a test tomorrow so I really wanted to get out early but it just wasn't happening for me. I asked God why it wasn't working out like last week when I asked Him to get out early and He let me. I was very open with my co-workers that I prayed that if it was in His will that God would let me get out early and I gave Him the glory for it every time. God told me to put my notes away. I didn't listen for a couple calls. Finally, I obeyed. I had already had three no's. One more and I know I was pretty much stuck for the whole shift. I called a man who I really didn't think would give me anything just from how the call started. But, to God's complete glory, the man gave me what I needed and I got out an hour early. It was the last call I could make and get out early. I trusted God, I obeyed, and He was faithful. As I was driving back to my house I realized just what God had done. He waited until the last minute to give me what I needed. That is what He is doing with my fundraising. He will provide what I need, but He'll keep me waiting.

It's hard, but I am thankful for a God who is outside of time and who knows far better than I do about what I need. (Isaiah 55:8-9)

Please pray for my team and me as we anxiously await the rest of our funds. This can one of the hardest times of the whole trip, just trusting Father. Please pray we would completely trust and give our anxieties and fears to Him.

Please pray as we prepare for our leadership retreat next weekend. We are all very excited. Pray for the iGo Global staff as the put all the finishing touches on it and that it all falls into place.

Pray for the missionaries as they fly in from the field to be with us.

Please pray for my left ankle. I fractured my fibula in December (and by that I mean I tore tendons from the bone) and it's been bothering me recently. It's mostly healed, just not all the way yet. I will be on it A LOT in Tokyo and would love for it to be better by then.

Sorry it's long. Love y'all!

Weapons of our Warfare

So when I sat down to write this blog I thought I was going to write on one thing, but God quickly redirected my thoughts. Instead of a little Kelley update this is a plea for prayer, a call to battle.

John Piper refers to prayer as our wartime walkie talkie. It is not part of the ministry, it IS the ministry. It is also our most powerful weapon against the enemy. 2 Corinthians 10:4 says, "For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have the divine power to destroy strongholds." If Satan ever had a stronghold, friends, it's Japan. And he does not want to give it up. He as been attacking our team like crazy, especially when it comes to the fundraising part. We are about three weeks away from our final deadline, and it's a big one. Satan has been attacking us all in other ways as well, in our walks and relationships. We are 56 days away from flying out. This is crunch time for all of our preparation. That is a long and a short time all at the same time. It's not that long in the grand scheme of things, but it's long enough for Satan to do work and mess things up.

Please pray for a team as we really start to suit up the battle that lies ahead. Don't be afraid to pray big prayers for God's power to move. He is the almighty Creator of the universe. Satan is losing and he knows it. Now is our time to step up and take the enemy on the enemy with all we have. We have what we need, we just need to let His boldness fill us and lose ourselves for the sake of the Gospel.

Please pray for us to all trust the Great Provider to provide the rest of the money. Pray for affirmation of our calling as well. A lot of time Satan tangles these two together to throw some off.

Please pray for our retreat on April 9-10. Pray that we would start to bond and pray for one another and really get excited and focused for the summer.

Please pray for me. Pray that God would take me out of the picture. I just want to love the interns this summer with all I have in me. I want to pour myself out for them as a drink offering before the Lord. I know Satan will attack and make me selfish. Please ask that God would guard my heart and mind against those thoughts and emotions. I just want to be a beacon of Christ's love and encouragement as much as possible. I want to disappear so He is all that anyone sees.

Thank you so much for your prayer and support. You are just as much a part of this battle as I am, don't ever forget it. Prayer makes all this possible.

Love y'all dearly.

Far more abundantly...

This past weekend I had the opportunity to be a small group leader at the disciple now at my home church. We studied the stories of Daniel, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. God showed me how all of those guys stepped out in faith and God was faithful and blessed them even though He didn't have to. Right before Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego get thrown into the fiery furnace they basically say God has the power to save us, but even if He chooses not to we're not going to bow down to your gods. What faithfulness! They didn't care what happened to them, they knew God had commanded them to have not other gods and they followed (cue "Burn Us Up" by Shane & Shane). Of course, God was more than faithful and used to whole thing to make Himself famous before a pagan king and his kingdom. Daniel heard of the decree that called for people to only pray though King Darius. Instead of giving in, or praying secretly, he prayed with his windows open to Jerusalem and got himself thrown into the lion's den. The next morning he got out without a scratch and a few more furry friends. Again, God didn't have to save Daniel, but He did and again He got the glory for it before pagans.

I kinda have a story like that now...

Last time around I told y'all that I only needed $2,200. Well, as of today, I only need $1,395!!! I walked into my room after getting home from class today and found two envelopes on my bed. One was a letter. One was a white envelope with a red dot on it so that it looked like the Japanese flag. I picked it up and noticed it was thick. I opened it and found $805 in cash and no note. I have NO idea who it came from, my roommates said it was just in our mailbox, but it had obviously not been mailed. I stepped out in faith, a little reluctantly I must say, and trusted that God would bring me what I need to get to Japan. I had no idea where He was going to bring it from, but I gave it to Him. And then He did this. I didn't have to face a fiery potential death or a pit of ferocious felines, or anything, but was still faithful and blessed me to make Himself famous.

I had nothing to do with the money that was so graciously given to me. Nothing I ever did inspired those people to do that for me. It was all God, all the way around. I cried tears of joy and just thanked God for His faithfulness. I am blown away by my Savior and Provider. How stinking awesome is our God?!

"Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to Him be the glory in the church in Christ Jesus throughout all the generation, forever and ever. Amen." Ephesians 3:20-21

Already counting down.

So today is March 3rd. I don't leave until May 18th. This has not prevented a few of my teammates and from starting the countdown. I think it's like 75 or something like that today. It's going to be here before we know it. I am just ready to be there and hit the ground running for the Lord. Fundraising in coming along. I only need about $2,200 by April 9th. That is pocket change in God's eyes. I am excited to see how He is going to provide. He has been able to keep me at peace with the money and I can probably attribute that to your prayer, so thanks! :)

I really believe that my entire life has been building up to these three months in Japan and my life beyond. God has been so near and so ready to reveal purpose behind even the smallest things in my life in preparation. Most days I'm excited about going back. Today I just want to be there right now. If I could, I would drop everything and just be there. Too bad we really can't teleport. I know, though, that I will get there when God wants me there, not a minute sooner or later.

Please pray for my teammates and I as Satan tempts us into forgetting the task at hand as we prepare for the summer to come.

Please pray that all of our money would just flood in as God reminds us that His steadfast love and faithfulness with never fail us.

Please pray for IMB Tokyo as a lot of changes have been made in the leadership of the team. Please pray for the new volunteer coordinators for IMB Tokyo. Pray that the plan for the summer would really take shape and that organizing and mobilizing all of the volunteer teams would go smoothly.

Please pray for the Japanese who are waiting to hear. Ask that God would continue to stir up His ancient work in that country and that we would see a great revival in our lifetimes.

Thank you all so much for your prayer, love, and support. All of y'all have had a influence in my life that has brought me to this point. Love y'all!