Burn, burden, break me.

"Father, take my life, yea, my blood if Thou wilt, and consume it with Thine enveloping fire. I would not save it, for it is not mine to save. Have it Lord, have it all. Pour out my life as an oblation for the world. Blood is only of value as it flows before Thine alter." -Jim Elliot

Jim Elliot prayed that at the age of 21. Seven years later, he was killed by the very people group he had been praying would come to know Christ for six years. Shadow of the Almighty by Elisabeth Elliot is perhaps the best Christmas present I have ever been given. Compiled by his wife, the book is mostly Jim's journal entries and letters he wrote from high school to the time of his death. Reading the prayers of a man who truly understood that the gospel was worth more than his own life was both challenging and encouraging. God really used the book to wake me up, to shake me up. This is a new year. A new semester. It's time to start living His love.

On night over my Christmas break, Father pulled the veil back and gave me a larger view of what He is doing in and around me. Every single tear and hurt from last semester He has used to get me to where I am now. I am ready to become more of the woman He created me to. That requires a complete loss of self in Him. Never has that idea brought so much joy and excitement to my heart. There is a line from a John Mark McMillan song that has become a simple prayer of mine: "I dreamed I'd bleed with Your praises, just to make the world smell like Your grace again." I am finally ready to let go, to count it all as a loss because knowing Him is so much greater than whatever I could find in this world. I am beginning to see His worth, and I am starting to chase after it. I know that I will not just go from timidity to Paul-like boldness overnight or even quickly, but I am ready to begin that process. I don't want to think myself out of things. Obedience is worth whatever the "cost" may be.

It is very easy to forget how important and urgent the gospel is, especially when we are surrounded by other believers or are in a culture where the norm is to claim Christ. I think we also fear that we have to stand on a street corner and preach, or that unbelievers would think we're weird-0 Christians and will shut us down. I pray that when we see the world as Christ does, we would love as He does, serve joyfully. We should strive to be weird-o Christians in that we don't complain or react as if we had not been freed by grace. Grace has set us free. But, the moment we received His grace we received His calling to share the Good News with everyone we come in contact with. It's not a suggestion, or even a commandment. It is what marks a heart and life that are completely surrendered to the Greater Plan and the Ultimate Planner. It's not about us. We all know the first part of Psalm 46:10: "Be still and know that I am God...". We tend to leave off the rest of the rest of the verse: "I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!". God's heart and ultimate plan of it all is to bring fame and glory to Himself, because He and He alone is worthy of all praise on earth. He is so passionate for His name that He sent His holy and perfect Son to die for wicked sinners like ourselves so we could experience the joy in knowing Him and in turn share with the nations.

There is no formula for sharing the gospel. No magic words, no special prayer. We were sinners, Jesus was perfect. He loved us and died so we could know that love. God is sovereign, He works all things out for His purposes. There is absolutely no way we can mess things up, as long as we are being obedient. We will say silly things sometimes. We will give bad examples. We will misquote or misplace a verse or two. Our Marvelous Lord is much bigger than our words or actions. No one's salvation or discipleship depend on us, that's all God. How freeing is that? He has everything under control with a constant invitation to us to join in His ancient work in every nation, tribe, and tongue. Rest in that freedom, marvel in it, and share His love and grace.

Please pray that as Christians all over, we would really grasp these truths and that God would start a revival in our Jerusalems, Judeas and Samarias, and to the ends of the earth.

"But God shows His love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Since, therefore, we have now been justified but His blood, much more shall we be saved by Him from the wrath of God." -Romans 5:8-9

"But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For His sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in Him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes from God that depends of faith-that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection, and may share in His sufferings, becoming like Him in His death, that by any means possible I may attain resurrection from the dead." -Philippians 3:7-11

Seasons

So I know that there is still several months and an entire semester between now and my flight to Tokyo, but I just can't help but feel this anticipation and excitement for what Father is doing and will do. This past semester was tough, one of the toughest seasons of my life, but my Savior was close the whole time. He taught me so much that He will use in Japan, and in life in general. He had to teach me brokenness for me to learn how to be made whole in Him. I had to feel pain to learn perseverance and experience true joy. I could go on and on. Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 really came alive to me. For everything there is a season, a time plant and a time to pluck up what is planted. I learned that sometimes even though He is the One that planted a seed in your life, He will pluck it up and start all over for something new. As the Lord told Baruch in Jeremiah 45:4, "...Behold, what I have built I am breaking down, and what I have planted I am plucking up-that is the whole land". I know my afflictions were only light ones compared to deadly persecution, or even the surpassing greatness of knowing our Lord, but I felt like God was breaking down what He had built in my life. At the time I didn't think it was worth it, but Father reminded me that my life is not about me, it is about Him and His glory. Becoming like Christ is a process, it's not instantaneous. It takes multiple breaking down and rebuilding seasons for us to let go of living life for ourselves and abandon our lives completely to Christ. I know that I still have a looong way to go, and I don't think the breaking down season is completely over, but I'm ready for what's next. Now more than ever before.

I am a big fan of Switchfoot and their new song "Hello Hurricane". It talks about facing a storm head on because no matter what happens, God and His love aren't going anywhere. I prayed that God would help me learn what it meant to count it all as loss compared to Him (Phil. 3:7-10). I wanted to live my life for Christ and count death as gain. He gave me a taste. Even though He didn't have to, He proved His faithfulness and strength to comfort and heal. I'm ready to go out and fight the fight He has in front of me. I'm ready for what's next. There is a lot that goes into preparing for a trip like the one Father is leading me to this summer. I know it will be hard, but I cannot wait to see what He is going to do. He is awakening people all over the world to the beauty of His grace. Japan may be spiritually dark, but it is God's. Like the people in Isaiah 65, He is ready to be sought by those who were not looking for Him. How wonderful is that? God wants all people to know Him, the earth if full of His glory to prove it. I'm getting pumped just thinking about it. He is so mighty and sovereign, yet He still chooses to use our sinful, selfish little selves.

As things start gearing up for the summer, please be in prayer for the missionaries, interns, and volunteers who will be in Tokyo. I'm so stinking excited to pray for my fellow interns and see what Father has for each one of us. Please pray for unity during the summer right off the bat. Please pray that God would provide financially, and that we wouldn't worry about it. Please pray that God would prepare our hearts, and that we would be obedient in what that might me. Thank y'all so much for praying, it means so much. Getting ready for awesome things to happen. I can just feel it, God is going to do awesome things all over His earth in 2010!

"Sisters, brother, thieves and lovers,
Come uncover eternity.
Turn your faces from finite places
Heaven's grace will set you free"

-Phil Wickham "The Time is Now" (my new most favorite song, you should check it out. :) )