Staying Home

I am not going back to Japan next summer. I have known this for about 5 months or so. When God first told me, I was ok with it. Two years of my life had been spent raising money to go and being in Japan. I was ready for a new adventure.

Today is November 2, and for the first time since 2006 I am not raising money for a trip. It's a weird thing to think about. This will be my first summer since the summer after my junior of high school for me to not go overseas for at least a week. God is calling me to stay home this summer. While I am stoked about the opportunity I feel like He is calling me to, it's still hard. Enough time has passed where I no longer just miss my intern family and those I served with, but also the country itself. I miss being in Japan. And this time around, I don't have a short time frame of return to comfort myself. I don't know when I am going back to Japan. I don't know if I will ever go back to Japan. That is a hard realization. I know I was only there for two summers, but those 21 weeks or so are some of the most influential of my life. Part of my heart will always be in Tokyo. I often catch myself daydreaming walking through Shibuya or around Koganei Koen. I am so thankful God let me go to Japan for His name. I am so unworthy. I probably did about 2/6 of the work He had for me to do, most likely less. But He is sovereign. He is faithful. He doesn't need me anyway. I am thankful for that truth. One of my precious fellow interns texted me the other day to remind me that I am unworthy. Just short and sweet like that, remember today that you are unworthy. It was a little shaking at first, but then it was just a rush of peace and comfort. To say we are unworthy is an understatement, but Jesus came and died for us anyway. Wow. What a wonderful Savior!

Today, I would rather be in Japan. But God is faithful to answer prayers. I am always in Tokyo through prayer. I'm thankful for a big God like that.