Never easy, never safe. It's enough.

To the glory and praise of our Great Father, I am officially done with my fundraising. God brought in exactly what I needed exactly when I needed it every step of the way. I was never super late and I had just enough for every payment. He is faithful. And, it is so great to be done. I have loved learning, but it's very nice to know that I am paid for. To all of you who have given, you have no idea what your generosity means to me. You as just as important in this story as I am. Thank you for being faithful and helping me fulfill God's calling for this summer.

This past weekend I got to go to the iGo Global leadership retreat. It was sooo great to meet my time and spend time with them, as well as team leaders from other iGo trips and of course the iGo staff. I can honestly say that I have never learned so much in such a short time before. I was challenged to the core, I'm still processing it all. I'm sure I will write a post about it all, but it may take a couple more days. To give you a teaser or sorts, I feel focused in on the task at hand and equipped to start the mission God has given. I'm not completely ready just yet though, or else I'd be writing this from Tokyo rather than College Station. I think the key to this all, and the spark that set everything off in my heart is the song "Crazy Love" by Robbie Seay Band.

It is a beautiful song. The line that gets me is: "It's never easy, never safe. It's enough, it's enough," referring to God's love. I was listening to it on the way up to visit some friends before the retreat. As I was sitting in Ft. Worth traffic I realized for the first time that even if I wanted to, I couldn't walk away from God. I have nowhere else to go. I have nothing else to do. I know nothing would fill me, not even close. For the first time in my life, I realized how deep in this I actually am. It hit me with the force of a hurricane. I don't want to live life for myself. I don't want the easy, the safe, the ordinary. There is so much more than a safe Christian life. I am coming to the point where I will just leave my yes on the table and finally be able to follow God no matter what the cost. I've tasted and I've seen how great and marvelous and crazy the love of our Father is. I don't want to be any part of who I am if it would keep me from living completely for His glory. I am not that great, important, funny, or worth it. Nothing is. He is it. If it means I lose my friends or my laugh or anything that people like about me, then so be it. Everything that is in me God gave me for His glory. I want to live radically for the bottom line. God is leading me on this hard, dangerous, beautiful, exhilarating adventure and there is nowhere else I'd rather be. It may cost me everything, but anything other than God is utter rubbish, crap even, compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing my Savior God and King more.

I used to think that my testimony was boring. But the truth is, God has really kept me out of a lot of trouble in my life. It's not that I'm a "good kid". Not even close. I'm not. God has kept me from the hard things. I don't know why He chose that for me, but I am very thankful. It doesn't mean anything but that He chose to reveal more of His glory in my life that way. Looking back, I see His grace and protection all through my life to this point. I have also realized that all this time I struggled trusting God because I was scared He would start working on me, then just leave. I was soooo off. He was always there, I was the one that left. That realization hit me like a ton of bricks. I had never even thought of it that way. My testimony is not boring. To say that is calling God boring. He chooses to manifest His glory differently in every single one of His children. His love for us is crazy, it's unpredictable, and it takes us places we never thought we would go.

Right now, we are in the home stretch of pre-trip preparation. There is a lot between now and May 18th. But no matter what happens, God's love is changing me, preparing me, ruining me. Stay tuned friends, this is only the beginning.

Pray. Serve. Love.

At approximately this time next Saturday, I will be meeting and/or reuniting with my teammates for the summer. To say that I am excited is an understatement. I've been waiting for this weekend pretty much all semester. I can't wait to meet the people behind the names and Facebook profiles. I can't wait to start the process of getting to know everyone deeply and learning how to pray for, serve, and love on them.

Speaking of praying, serving, and loving, these are the words God as given me to focus on this summer. I want to pray harder than I ever have. I want to serve completely selflessly. I want to love as Christ loves. This is probably the best way to pray for me personally, that God would really develop all three of those in my life now, in Japan, and beyond. It will take ample amounts of patience, obedience, and abandonment of myself and my desires. It's going to be a long hard road, but I know it will be beautiful. God has so much more for me that just me. Please pray that I would start now. That I would wake up every morning, turn the reigns over to Father, and walk as He calls me too. Satan has already started his resistance. I am afraid my selfishness will get in the way. I am far too fond of myself and what I want to fully pour myself out. I don't want this to be an issue. I want to serve people, not just please them. The moment I stop striving to serve and just start trying to please is when satan starts to win. Please pray against that. I know who God is calling me to be. I know I have everything I need to get there, or more simply, I have the Spirit of the Living God living in me. It's not about what I can do, but what I will let Him do instead. It's not about me. Period. I just want to disappear. I have been holding onto who I want to be for so long. I don't want to be who I am if it's not who God wants me to be. Life is not about being funny and liked, it's about bringing glory to the Creator and Savior of the universe. Pray that I will disappear and let Him transform me, no matter what I have to let go of (some verses God as given me for this summer are John 15:12-13, Philippians 2:3, and Colossians 4:2-5. There are a ton more, but God has given these specifically).

Our deadline is also a week from today. God has been gracious and I only need a few hundred. Words cannot express how thankful I am to God and to all those who have helped me get where I am. I have been so blessed in this whole fundraising process. God has taught me so much, but I'm not going to lie, I will be VERY happy and relieved to be done. Some of my teammates are not as far along as I am. One sweet girl still needs about half. That is not much for God is a week, but that seems almost impossible in our small, limited human minds. Please pray that God would work a miracle in her life in fundraising. Please pray for my other teammates who are not quite there yet either. I fully expect God to come through and I can't wait to hear the amazing stories of His sweet faithfulness next week.

Thank y'all for your prayers and support. Because of y'all, God is doing great things in me life. I would not be where or who I am without y'all. I love you all dearly.