Ready to Go.

Since Tuesday I have said goodbye to 31 of my fellow interns, my closest Japanese friends, and most of the missionaries I have gotten the chance to serve and serve with this summer. Most of these goodbyes have come today. As I sit in the extra bedroom of the Journey girls' apartment, my stuff is everywhere. Most of it is in the suitcase, but there are still things strewn across the room. I am exhausted, I haven't gotten much sleep with two all-nighters this week to send off people leaving early in the morning. Physically, I am no where near ready to go.

Spiritually, surprisingly, I am.

My entire life built up to this summer. I felt that before I came, and I still would say that. This summer has been a pivotal time in my life. But not in the way I expected it to. God did a lot more this summer than I think I even realize, and maybe ever will. I came in thinking that I would be a big problem solver, a drama extinguisher, a source of wisdom and truth. God had other plans. There were no big problems to solve, no drama to extinguish, and He was always the fountain of wisdom, never me. But I got to see God bring together 32 different people in the most beautiful way possible. I lived with 31 other people, mostly in one apartment, for the better part of 2 and a half months and we all got along nearly perfectly. Not only that, we genuinely loved each other. That doesn't just happen. God's mighty hand and outstretched arm are all over that. We really became a family in a matter of days. I got to see my brothers and sisters pour into their Japanese friends with all they had. Sometimes we saw fruit, most times we didn't, but it was beautiful to see. God is truly making Himself famous here. I cannot wait to hear the salvation stories of all the seeds we planted this summer.

When I board that plane in the morning, I am bringing two big things with me that I didn't have as I arrived here. First, I finally had the moment where God showed me that He is all I need, and everything that I want. I am stuck, I have nowhere else to go. He is everything to me. I can gain satisfaction in absolutely no other place but my Heavenly Father and Savior. I wouldn't want to even if I could. I am all wrapped up in this crazy love and even though it's never easy or safe, it's far more than enough for me. The second big thing I have learned this summer is how to serve. I am a selfish person. I will always be most likely. I forget that I am not the center of the universe and that I have nothing owed to me and no rights to anything. But, in the midst of my selfish self, God has taught me to serve and to count other more important than myself. At the end of the summer we get these Sayonara dolls that every one writes in. Almost every single person said something about being a servant in mine. That is only because of the Jesus in my, I thought I could have done a whole lot better of a job serving and loving others than I did. I know I could have. But in my lazy selfishness God was still able to move me enough to bring praise to Himself through me some how. I am not a good servant, I'm not even very good at being obedient, but God is so powerful He can muscle through all that and use me sometimes. There is nothing more humbling. Humility has also been a theme this summer. And as hard as it is, I am incredibly thankful for it. I couldn't have done well at all this summer without God showing me how much I don't know.

In Luke 17:7-10 Jesus gives an example that is extremely relevant to my life at this very moment. "Will any one of you who has a servant plowing or keeping sheep say to him when he has come in from the field, "Come at once and recline at the table"? Will he not rather say to him, "Prepare supper for me, and dress properly, and serve me while I eat and drink, and afterward you will eat and drink"? Does he thank the servant for doing what was commanded? So you also, when you have done all that you were commanded, say, "We are unworthy servants; we have only done what was our duty." I am that servant. I have done nothing special this summer. I am nothing special. I am simply obeying my Lord and Master. I don't deserve any glory or praise, He deserves all of it. I am grateful that I can say this with all my heart this young, I pray that means I won't waste the life He has given me to give back to Him.

Tomorrow is my 21st birthday. I can think of no better way to spend it than with my True Love on a plane alone for lots of hours to talk about the summer and what's next. It will be hard to leave Tokyo, a part of my heart will always be here. But, I know I am supposed to leave. It's time. I will be back someday. Japan is in God's hands, it always has been and always will be. I feel like Master is saying, "Not bad, but we've still got a long way to go. Keep following, I have more for you to do." I am ready to return home and see what those things are.

This is my final blog from Japan. Thanks for following. Your prayers and encouragements mean the world to me. I love y'all all so much. See you in the States!