Hero

My new favorite song is "The Invasion (Hero)" By Trip Lee. I can never just listen to it one time, I have to listen to it at least twice, if not more. I really think that the rappers that make up the 116 Clique have the best lyrics of any Christian music today. For real. This song is all about how we are broken and Jesus came to save us. He is our Hero, our knight in armor. He has already saved the day. We couldn't do it on our own.

"Like a G5 yeah you rush to rescue me. Took a cross in exchange for throne to save me. You began the work and I know that You'll finish, You'll make all things right when you come back cause You're my hero, You've already saved the day."

So as I have this song in my head I read the Stuff Christians Like post called "Going Back". What stuck out to me was this line towards the end: "Rescue is a one way street." Wow. Once we are saved, we are saved. God doesn't wait until we have gotten ourselves out of the pit, He comes to us while we are still covered in dirt, trying our hardest to get out. We can't clean ourselves up for Him, we have to let Him do that.

I don't know about you, but that is wonderfully encouraging. Every break I tend to get myself in a lazy mess spiritually. I just don't do anything, and so I kinda flounder. But Jesus, my hero, is reaching in and pulling me out. I don't want to be in pit any more, I just want to follow Him. I want to live for Him. He gave everything for me, I should do the same for Him.

I am thankful to have a Hero God who has already saved the day and my soul.

Full lyrics: http://www.songlyrics.com/trip-lee/the-invasion-hero-lyrics/
SCL: http://stuffchristianslike.net/2010/12/going-back/

Different

Every semester is different. You hang out with slightly different people. You have different classes. The weather is constantly changing. God emphasizes different themes in you life.

This semester I have definitely learned more of God's faithfulness and of His glorious redemption.

I have also learned that I am the one mentioned in Galatians 6:3, "For if anyone thinks he is something, when he is nothing, he deceives himself." I sat at a higher table just to find that I was assigned to be seated much lower. My pride blew up. I let satan tell me that I was a big deal, that everything I said was dripping with wisdom and that I was really learning how to love people and was doing a good job. Lies, all of it. Truth is, I have just been full of myself most of this semester. God has done His best to bring me back to reality though.

I have had to drop a class for the first time ever. I almost thought I wasn't going to be able to complete a class this semester. I have failed at being the roommate and friend God has called me to be. I have had my moments of letting Him shine through, but I feel like for the most part I was trying to shine so hard on my own I eclipsed anything He was trying to do.

I have been going hard this semester, mostly striving on my own rather than being poured out for the Lord. The semester started with so much promise. I prayed to be poured out, and be to a background player, now matter how thankless my actions were.

But I gave up.

It was hard. I was tired or trying. I got busy. I gave up.

As I sit here and think over the semester I feel like I have grown, but only in the fact that now I realize how unimportant I am, how much I don't have this whole Christian thing figured out. I am not as big of a deal as I thought I was. I am nothing really. I am spoiled, selfish, lazy, and unwise with my words. I am a failure. I don't really know if this is the real me or if the Kelley of Japan is the real me. Have I digressed? Was I ever really anything?

Last week, I heard one of the most life changing sermons I have ever been privilege to hear. It was over Galatians 5:16-26. The message I really came away with is that we are called to just walk. We don't have to follow any formulas. We don't have to prove anything. There are no prerecs. We just walk in the Spirit. He promises to guide us every step of the way. And we shouldn't lose heart when we fall, we are just learning how to walk, we are not perfect. We do not just wake up one morning with the ability to run a mile. We must learn. And it not an easy process, it is hard and sometimes it hurts. But in the end, walking is always better than crawling or staying still.

Yes, I am a failure. I am a selfish brat. But God gives more grace. He is working, He is molding. It usually takes me falling on my face for me to finally get something. This is one of those times. I prayed for humility and play the background. After a while of ignoring His call, God has set me straight. I have had an amazing opportunity to see God move in big ways, especially lately. I am learning how to be free from religion. I am learning how to serve and love. I am learning how much nothing I really am. Every thing I am is from Him anyway. He has provided. He have been faithful. He has redeemed everything I have screwed up this semester, and I know He will continue to do so. It may not be in my timing or my way, but He always does what He says He will. I am thankful for being shown that I am an absolute wretch. I now have more room to praise God for who He is and how much He loves us.

I am learning how to die. It is hard, but it is beautiful. I pray that by the end of the year I am unrecognizable because God has transformed me so much. I pray I don't get in the way more than I alreay have. I want to die completely, I want to live the complete surrender of people like Paul, Eric Liddell and Jim Elliot.

I want to fade into a deeper beauty. By His grace, one day I will.

Staying Home

I am not going back to Japan next summer. I have known this for about 5 months or so. When God first told me, I was ok with it. Two years of my life had been spent raising money to go and being in Japan. I was ready for a new adventure.

Today is November 2, and for the first time since 2006 I am not raising money for a trip. It's a weird thing to think about. This will be my first summer since the summer after my junior of high school for me to not go overseas for at least a week. God is calling me to stay home this summer. While I am stoked about the opportunity I feel like He is calling me to, it's still hard. Enough time has passed where I no longer just miss my intern family and those I served with, but also the country itself. I miss being in Japan. And this time around, I don't have a short time frame of return to comfort myself. I don't know when I am going back to Japan. I don't know if I will ever go back to Japan. That is a hard realization. I know I was only there for two summers, but those 21 weeks or so are some of the most influential of my life. Part of my heart will always be in Tokyo. I often catch myself daydreaming walking through Shibuya or around Koganei Koen. I am so thankful God let me go to Japan for His name. I am so unworthy. I probably did about 2/6 of the work He had for me to do, most likely less. But He is sovereign. He is faithful. He doesn't need me anyway. I am thankful for that truth. One of my precious fellow interns texted me the other day to remind me that I am unworthy. Just short and sweet like that, remember today that you are unworthy. It was a little shaking at first, but then it was just a rush of peace and comfort. To say we are unworthy is an understatement, but Jesus came and died for us anyway. Wow. What a wonderful Savior!

Today, I would rather be in Japan. But God is faithful to answer prayers. I am always in Tokyo through prayer. I'm thankful for a big God like that.

One Month Later

I have been home three days short of a month, but it feels more like 3 months since I left the Japan. It has been a lot harder to transition back to Texas this year than it was last. I have enjoyed seeing family and coming back up to College Station, but I definitely have had my fair share of reverse culture shock moments. I think one of the hardest things about coming back it just trying to fit the parts of me that have been changed this summer into the shape of me that was left behind, if that makes any sense. I have been changed, some big ways and some small ones. It feels kind of like trying to fit a puzzle piece that was reshaped, even just a little bit, back into the puzzled you took it from. It hasn't been as hard of a transition in College Station as I thought it would be, it has been to be back with the wonderful brothers and sisters Father has blessed me with here. I have been so encouraged to hear their stories of the summer and what God did all over the world on almost every continent through our BSM. As amazing as that has been, until recently I had really been struggling to stay in the Word.

One thing that I have learned about myself over the past year or so is that I am very good religious person. By that I mean that sometimes I forget that Christianity isn't about a list of rules and I try to live my life that way rather than treating it as a relationship. God has really been changing the way I go about my quiet times. I am one of those people that is pretty consistent with having a quiet time each day, but that doesn't always mean I'm doing it for the right reasons. More often than not I do it because I know I'm "supposed" to. Jesus is the most important thing in my life, my Creator and Savior, I should want to spend every second with Him. I owe that to Him, right? Just this week I have finally been able to get into the Word because I want to, not because I have to. And what God has been teaching me is going back to the basics, but it is so new to me. It's not about how much I read, it's about how much my heart is in it. I have heard it said that is better to eat smaller meals more through out the day than just three big ones because it will actually help you eat less. If that is true about our bodies, why wouldn't that be true of our spirits as well? Why do I put so much stock into spending time in the Word in the morning, check it off my list, then go through out my day without ever giving more time to God? Doesn't it make sense to spend as much time with Him through out the day? When you're in a relationship you don't want to just talk to the other person once a day, you want to spend as much time with them as you can, talking through out the day. That is how we should approach our relationship with Father. He is, after all, our First and True Love.

In addition to all that, God has been taking me back to what the gospel is. It really is a folly to the perishing. But to those who are saved, it is beautiful and wonderful and unfathomable. Jesus left His perfect kingdom in heaven for this dirty, sinful world in order to experience everything we do. We do not have a high priest that has no sympathy on us, He knows. He knows what it's like to hurt or be confused or even how to battle religion to experience the Relationship. Our God is so great and His love for us reaches so much farther than we can know.

Thank you all for your prayers. This will be my last update. You can probably check back every now and then because I am sure I will still blog from time to time, but more for my sake haha. Please continue to pray for Japan, the people we met, and the missionaries that are still living there. Please pray for my teammates as the are also adjusting. Some are graduating this semester, some are back in high school, one left two weeks after we got back to a foreign country for 10 months to teach English. God is still working in all of us. We all appreciate your prayer. Love you all. Sayonara!

Ready to Go.

Since Tuesday I have said goodbye to 31 of my fellow interns, my closest Japanese friends, and most of the missionaries I have gotten the chance to serve and serve with this summer. Most of these goodbyes have come today. As I sit in the extra bedroom of the Journey girls' apartment, my stuff is everywhere. Most of it is in the suitcase, but there are still things strewn across the room. I am exhausted, I haven't gotten much sleep with two all-nighters this week to send off people leaving early in the morning. Physically, I am no where near ready to go.

Spiritually, surprisingly, I am.

My entire life built up to this summer. I felt that before I came, and I still would say that. This summer has been a pivotal time in my life. But not in the way I expected it to. God did a lot more this summer than I think I even realize, and maybe ever will. I came in thinking that I would be a big problem solver, a drama extinguisher, a source of wisdom and truth. God had other plans. There were no big problems to solve, no drama to extinguish, and He was always the fountain of wisdom, never me. But I got to see God bring together 32 different people in the most beautiful way possible. I lived with 31 other people, mostly in one apartment, for the better part of 2 and a half months and we all got along nearly perfectly. Not only that, we genuinely loved each other. That doesn't just happen. God's mighty hand and outstretched arm are all over that. We really became a family in a matter of days. I got to see my brothers and sisters pour into their Japanese friends with all they had. Sometimes we saw fruit, most times we didn't, but it was beautiful to see. God is truly making Himself famous here. I cannot wait to hear the salvation stories of all the seeds we planted this summer.

When I board that plane in the morning, I am bringing two big things with me that I didn't have as I arrived here. First, I finally had the moment where God showed me that He is all I need, and everything that I want. I am stuck, I have nowhere else to go. He is everything to me. I can gain satisfaction in absolutely no other place but my Heavenly Father and Savior. I wouldn't want to even if I could. I am all wrapped up in this crazy love and even though it's never easy or safe, it's far more than enough for me. The second big thing I have learned this summer is how to serve. I am a selfish person. I will always be most likely. I forget that I am not the center of the universe and that I have nothing owed to me and no rights to anything. But, in the midst of my selfish self, God has taught me to serve and to count other more important than myself. At the end of the summer we get these Sayonara dolls that every one writes in. Almost every single person said something about being a servant in mine. That is only because of the Jesus in my, I thought I could have done a whole lot better of a job serving and loving others than I did. I know I could have. But in my lazy selfishness God was still able to move me enough to bring praise to Himself through me some how. I am not a good servant, I'm not even very good at being obedient, but God is so powerful He can muscle through all that and use me sometimes. There is nothing more humbling. Humility has also been a theme this summer. And as hard as it is, I am incredibly thankful for it. I couldn't have done well at all this summer without God showing me how much I don't know.

In Luke 17:7-10 Jesus gives an example that is extremely relevant to my life at this very moment. "Will any one of you who has a servant plowing or keeping sheep say to him when he has come in from the field, "Come at once and recline at the table"? Will he not rather say to him, "Prepare supper for me, and dress properly, and serve me while I eat and drink, and afterward you will eat and drink"? Does he thank the servant for doing what was commanded? So you also, when you have done all that you were commanded, say, "We are unworthy servants; we have only done what was our duty." I am that servant. I have done nothing special this summer. I am nothing special. I am simply obeying my Lord and Master. I don't deserve any glory or praise, He deserves all of it. I am grateful that I can say this with all my heart this young, I pray that means I won't waste the life He has given me to give back to Him.

Tomorrow is my 21st birthday. I can think of no better way to spend it than with my True Love on a plane alone for lots of hours to talk about the summer and what's next. It will be hard to leave Tokyo, a part of my heart will always be here. But, I know I am supposed to leave. It's time. I will be back someday. Japan is in God's hands, it always has been and always will be. I feel like Master is saying, "Not bad, but we've still got a long way to go. Keep following, I have more for you to do." I am ready to return home and see what those things are.

This is my final blog from Japan. Thanks for following. Your prayers and encouragements mean the world to me. I love y'all all so much. See you in the States!

Strength Through Weakness

Yesterday we dropped off all 123 students from the Texas Super Summer team at the airport. They were an amazing team. We all thoroughly enjoyed each and everyone of them. I had a trek of 13 high schoolers and 1 adult chaperon. I couldn't have asked for a better trek. I think by the end of the week they all really got what this life is about. God doesn't need us anywhere. It's not about us. He chooses to use us for His glory all around the world with all kinds of people. It was beautiful to hear how God has change and ruined their lives in their time here. The Orange Trek was a great last team to go out with. These next three days will be spent either climbing Mt. Fuji or going to the Disney parks here. I chose Disney haha. After that we have a Sayonara Party, debriefing, cleaning, and leaving. This summer has absolutely flown by. It has been a great two and a half months. The team that I have been blessed with has been beyond my expectations. We had no drama. We didn't have any huge personality clashes. We got along and worked well together. We were able to stay focused. I believe all of that was possible because of your prayers. By the power and grace of God my job as team leader has been easier than I ever thought it could be. Several of the leaders of the TSS team affirmed my co-leader and I a lot. It was great to hear that what they are being told on the other side of the ocean is positive. We can't take any credit for anything good and positive this summer. We have to point that all back to the Lord. He held us together and stifled our pride enough for us to point back to Him and His power and mercy. I am thankful for the M's we have gotten to work with and how much they have poured into us. We really feel like a part of their family, we really feel loved. That in and of itself is a blessing.

As I write this, I have exactly 9 days left in Tokyo. I has definitely not hit me completely yet. As much as I don't want to, I have to start preparing myself to leave this place that has definitely become a home for me for two summers. I have no idea if and when I will be back. I love this place, I love these people, I will miss my brothers and sisters I have had the privilege to live with. It's weird to think about. I feel like I have been here forever, yet at the same time I'm not quite sure where the summer went exactly. A part of my heart will always be in Tokyo, Japan for the rest of my life. I am astounded and extremely grateful that God has given me this opportunity, twice. If you would have told me after I graduated from high school that in two years I would be finishing my second JSI summer in Japan and everything that has come along with that, I don't think I would have believed you. God has taken me on an adventure that I never expected, and I know we have a long way to go. I am excited to see what God has next for me, my fellow interns, and Japan. Just this week we have two new sisters and a new brother in Christ. That makes 7 or 8 for the whole summer. That may seem like a small amount, but they are true, genuine conversions. I would gladly take that than 100 iffy or possibly false conversions. God is at work. The ground is so much softer than it has been. Keep praying for Japan. I don't know what God has next for these people, but something is definitely building up. Who knows, maybe a great Japanese awakening will happen in our life time. How incredible would that be?! I have no idea that it is coming. I anxiously await the day it breaks out, whether I'm around to see it or not.

Please pray that we all finish strong. I know that we are tired. Ministry is technically over other than meeting with contacts, but just because it's not on a schedule that doesn't mean we shouldn't still be looking for divine appointments. Pray for the people we have met, the seeds we have planted and watered, and especially our new brothers and sisters. It is hard enough to be a Japanese person, it is really hard to be a Japanese Christian. Constantly keep the Church here in Japan in your prayers. God is definitely working.

Pray that we will all be able to process everything God has done in and through us this year. Pray that as we head home we wouldn't get lazy, we wouldn't let Satan fool us into any traps. Pray that we wouldn't have a "Japan high" but that we would be genuinely changed from who we were. There are a couple of interns who have had family members die this past week. Pray that the would cling to the God of all comfort and hope in this time.

One thing God has really been teaching me since last night is that my strength isn't enough. I have to depend on Him. I have been running hard without much of a break since last May. I am exhausted spiritually and physically. I know that I need this breaking point. As I was praying last night, God brought me from a aching tiredness to a joy and warm and peace in a tiredness that comes from running with Him. I am tired, but joyfully so. Pray that I would seek the Lord in this time and let Him fill me back up. Pray that I would stay focused on the interns God has entrusted to me for this last week. I don't want to quit now. This is my last chance to really love on them, and there is nothing I desire more. Thank you for your prayers. I cannot express enough how they make this work, and all mission work, possible. I love you guys.

I am nothing.

Wow, I am so sorry it has taken me so long to blog! A lot has happened, so I'll just jump right in.

On Tuesday, we will have a team of 123 high school students from Texas here. We are all excited, even though it is going to be a crazy and exhausting week. Pray for them as they are going through base camp to prepare to be here. Pray for the adults who are leading them here, especially the iGo staffers and they are getting all the last minute stuff done.

A week or two ago we were at the big temple with a team of 12 college students from all over. As I was reading through Isaiah, God brought Acts 17 to mind where Paul is in Athens. I flipped through and found verse 24-27 underlined. Under than in the margin I had written "Theme for summer '09". I hadn't read those verses since last summer. They are so powerful. God made the heavens, the earth, and everything in them. He does not live in temples made by human hands. "He is not served by human hands, as if He needed anything, since He Himself gives to all mankind life and breath and everything." As I was reading that, the climax of the Chris Tomlin song "Our God" was playing on my iPod. Wow. I just wanted to proclaim that our God is greater than all other gods at the top of my lungs. I had been discouraged, Jesus reminded me that He is greater though. I was reminded in His Word that He is greater, higher, and more powerful than anything. He will accomplish His purposes. As I was looking around, praising God in the midst of the darkness of the temple I saw an elderly woman digging through her purse. I prayed desperately that she wouldn't find her money so she couldn't pray to Buddha. I have no idea how far this woman travel to throw her money to Satan. After digging for a while longer, she found her coin purse. I was dismayed, then I stopped and listening to the song that was playing. I heard, "You alone can rescue. You alone can save." We cannot heal ourselves, or anyone else for that matter. We are fools to think otherwise. Paul planted, Apollos watered, but God gave the growth. I am nothing. Those who came before me an those who will come after me are nothing. God alone brings growth and salvation. We are all working together not because He needs us, but because He chooses to us us. And it's not like we are better than those worshipping idols of this world. We are saved by grace, through faith, neither of which we can claim on our own. We would be incapable of faith if God has not given it to us. Nothing, absolutely nothing good comes from us. Anything good or worth while in us who are Christians comes solely from the Spirit dwelling withing, working on us continually. I am thankful for those reminders. I am nothing. He is everything. He is awesome in power and healer. He is for us, we have nothing to fear. The whole experience refreshed, renewed, and reminded me why I am here. God is at work and He has invited me to jump in with Him. I am so blessed. As this summer nearing its end, I feel like there is so much more I could have done. I am afraid I have been plagued with a bad attitude off and on. I don't know why, I love the Japanese people, I love this city, I love my team, I love what we do. I think I just let Satan get me distracted and didn't even realize it. I hate how he is so good at tricking me into the same things over and over again. As much as I want to beat myself up, I know that there is nothing I can do about the past. I can only focus on the future and set up defenses to things I struggle with. Like Paul said in Philippians 3:13-14, "...But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead. I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus." I have roughly three weeks and a huge team left this summer. There is still a lot things I need to learn and a whole lot more things God is going to do. I am excited to see what it all is.

Please be praying for our team. Pray that we would use these next two days wisely and rest up for the Texas Super Summer team arriving on Tuesday. Pray against whatever Satan has up his sleeve. This summer has been amazingly smooth thus far, but this is our biggest week. I know he is not just going to let 123 people jump in with us without resistance. Thankfully our God is greater than he who is in the world. Pray for unity, health, rest, wisdom, and patience.

Pray for all the missionaries we are working for. Pray the same thing for all of them. They have been absolutely wonderful and helpful. Pray for refreshment for all of them. They have blessed me all so much. My friend Hunter and I got to go with our lead missionaries, Jeff and Kimberly, to Costco a couple days ago with them and their three boys. It sounds silly and small, but I think he and I both really enjoyed it. We got to just talk to Jeff and Kimberly as well as kind of step back into America a little bit. They really treated us like family, like they have all summer. As goofy as it sounds, that will probably be one of my favorite memories from this summer. I just love their family and everyone else we get to work with here. I will be very sad to leave them all.

Pray for divine appointments over these next three weeks. Pray that our friends will not be too busy to meet with us one or two more times. Pray for salvations, there are SO many that are so so very close to believing. I don't even care if I get to see it, I just want my friends to have abundant, eternal life. I want them to be in heaven with us.

Thank y'all for praying continually. I assure you that we feel every single one. We depend on prayer to keep us all going.

Retreat and So Forth

Sorry it has taken me a while to update y'all. We got back from our retreat and just hit the ground running again.

Speaking of retreat, it was awesome. It was exactly what we needed. We traveled out of the city into the mountains to Okutama Bible Chalet. It felt just like camp. It was awesome. There was a river, a pool, hiking trails, American Dr. Pepper, and so much good fellowship. We left here Tuesday morning and got back Thursday evening. Wednesday was probably one of the greatest days ever, minus a hour or so of attack from Satan. He's such a jerk. That morning I read through James, something I hadn't done in a really long time. God just opened it to me so beautifully. Especially verses 4:7-8 which say "Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. Draw near to God, and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double minded." That was everything I wasn't doing. Instead of embracing accusation or letting God's truth fill me where the lies were taking things away, I accepting everything Satan told me. I wasn't walking in the freedom I had been given. I was silly. I had a huge God moment earlier in the summer, then didn't prepare myself for the aftershocks. At the retreat the Lord really reminded me of the freedom I have in Him. I am free. Free from all the things Satan was using to keep me down. I need nothing more than my Creator and Savior. He is all powerful, all knowing, and He is completely at work in this world. His world.That reminder just set me up for a fantastic day. Jeff, our M, preached and we had worship, just like camp. The OBC even cooked for us. It was pretty much the greatest food ever. It was American, home cooked food. That in and of itself is retreat enough. We played a lot of team building games which were really fun. We also had a huge chunk of free time. We played in the river, swam in the pool, hiked, napped, pretty much did whatever we wanted. It was glorious. That night after we had worship we had a share time around a camp fire, then we had smores. It was so great to hear what God is doing in the lives of a few of my teammates. Smores were great too. I mentioned a attack that day as well. It was hard, but it was short lived. I had a great talk with God and my friend Sarah. God really hit me at that point that of course Satan was coming hard, if we fully understand our freedom in our Heavenly Father then we start to really live for Him. The devil wants none of that. Too bad he loses. Our God is greater, He is stronger, He is higher. Nothing can stop us because He is with us.

Tonight I have really been struggling with fear, fear of the future and what praying that this summer would change Japan would really mean. Am I really ready to count it all as lose in the name of the Gospel? I want to be. Last night I finished Through the Gates of Splendor by Elisabeth Elliot. It is about 5 missionaries who were killed but a South American tribe they were called to reach and the story leading up to that and what happened afterward. I think all 5 of their wives and families stayed in Ecuador to continue the work their husbands were doing. Elisabeth even moved into the village of the men who killed her husband and lived there for 2 years with her young daughter sharing the Gospel, and seeing the whole tribe changed but God. Reading that challenged me so much. They all knew that they belonged to God long before, after, and much more than they ever did to their husbands. Their calling was to serve Him, not men. They really got it. I think that will be a book I read over and over. I want the Gospel to impact my life like that. God has really been showing me that when we really get the Gospel, when we really let it hit our hearts, minds, souls, and lives, we are completely transformed and nothing but Him and His glory matter. How I long to be at that point! Hopefully this summer, and the continually breaking down of everything I hold dear, will help me reach that point. I am so thankful for His everlasting love and patience with us. I feel that I am prone to wander, even though the very thing I would be leaving is the very thing that I need more of than I will ever comprehend. I am blown away by His goodness, mercy, and bigness. We will never reach the end of Him, we will never stop learning. I am reminded of a conversation Aslan and Lucy have in Prince Caspian. The second time Lucy is in Narnia she keeps seeing Aslan but no one else is. The first time the two are really reunited Lucy tells Aslan that he has grown since the last time they met. He tells her that it's not him that has grown but her. She asks how than can be. He says, "Every year you grow, you will find me bigger." Isn't that so true? Every time we grow, everything we begin to see more of God's character, He gets bigger and more complex, not smaller and more simple. Japan is called the "Land of 8 million gods". Not one of those "gods" can do a single thing our Living God can. Let that sink in. Our God is able. He will accomplish His purpose. Not maybe but WILL. We are so unworthy of such a magnificent Holy Father. But still, we can come to Him and He will save us, restore us, love on us. I can't stop thinking about how wonderful He is. There really is NOTHING that really comes close to even thinking about comparing to our God.

Thank you for all your prayers. They are working more than you know. We have about 4 weeks left. That's not very long in the scheme of things. Pray that we would continue to pray big things, that Satan wouldn't hinder us with fear but that God would remind us that we have been given a Spirit of power, love, and self control. Pray that we would live in a manner worthy of our calling, and that we would do everything possible to maintain the unity. Pray for healing of sicknesses and wounds, as well as safety for the rest of the trip. Pray for the volunteers that are here or will be here within a few weeks. Pray we would focus on God and His goal, not us or our homes.

I love y'all all. Thanks for everything.

Steadfast Love and Faithfulness

I just want to say thank y'all so very much for your prayers and encouragement. This past week since I wrote that last blog Father has been blowing me away with encouragement from His word, my teammates here, and all of my wonderful friends and family back home. Thank you all again.

Wednesday nights we do accountability. One of the girls in my group said that the lead guy and I were doing a great job of holding the group together and that even though we didn't have many contacts to meet with we still got to come home and just be with the team. My mom reminded me that there are no problems because we are doing our jobs in being faithful to lead this group. God has been at work here the whole time, Satan just didn't want me to see it that way.

The high school interns, or GTs, got here this week and it has been such a great boost to our team. We are a complete team now. So far the transition has been a good one. The are all so excited to be here and serve the Lord. And they are an amazing group of kids. I look forward to getting to know them better as we are here for six more weeks.

Every Friday my ministry team gets to go to Chofu Baptist Church to help with their English club. It has really been fun to meet the ladies and just have conversations with them. We really enjoyed this church. Last Sunday it was a 90% chance of rain so instead of doing church in the park our whole team split up and went to churches all over the city. We went to Chofu. The service was just like any Baptist church back home, just in Japanese. It was so cool even though I didn't really understand what was going on. The service was two hours long, then we did an hour of small groups. That was really cool because the leader of the group my friend and I went to teaches the English class we go to so he explained it all to us. It sounded like a great sermon. We then discussed how the church should function. After small group we all ate lunch together and hung out. It was so cool. This church really loves each other. They really are one big family. The service started at 10:15. We rolled out of there at 3 and most people were still there fellowshipping or attending meetings. I just love that church. The pastor actually went to Southwestern in Ft. Worth so he and his wife speak wonderful English. They are really fun. Please pray for Chofu Baptist Church. Please pray that God would set it on fire for His glory and that it's members would share His love and grace with those around them. Pray for growth for the church and for the Japanese church as a whole.

Thursday during 5 minute English I got to share the whole gospel with a woman. She said her favorite book was based on Christianity and was about how the choices we make always have a greater meaning behind them. Then she asked me if I was a religious person. I said no. I got to share with her that being a Christian is about having a relationship with the One True God of Bible. I said that is is not a list of rules but that reading His Word brings me life and joy and peace. I shared with her that to God sin is sin and Jesus died to forgive us all. I told her Christians aren't perfect but we are forgiven and have Jesus in us to help us live closer to the way God wants us too. She took a Gospel of John and a Hope tract that I pray she will send in for the DVD that explains it all in Japanese. I didn't get in any contact information for her so pray she reads the word and God places Christians in her path. I am trusting in God's promise that His Word never returns void and always accomplishes His purposes.

Today at the park my friend Cara and I got to talk to two women we want to practice their English. They were so sweet. Pray that we will have time to meet up with them and that God would soften K-san and M-san's hearts.

Thank y'all for praying! God is moving and it is awesome. I have a feeling these last 6 weeks will not only fly by, but will change Japan forever.

In Need

Please forgive the selfishness, but this one is going to be about me.

For the past couple weeks I have been in this funk that I just can't shake. I have good days and bad days, but for the most part I just feel tired and ineffective. I know a lot of it is lies from Satan. I know this is an attack. I am taking time alone with the Lord, not as much as I could be but it's not like it's on the back burner. I just don't know what to do. I am exhausted most of the time, too exhausted to try to talk with my teammates about how they are doing. Attack. Every time I go to a temple I get a headache that hinders me for the rest of the day. Satan. I hate saying all of this because I feel like a complainer, but I know that I need your help. I know that I need your prayer and encouragement. I am so weak, and I am ineffective, but I belong to and serve a Holy, Sovereign God who wants to use my weakness to make Him more famous. I think the biggest thing that the freaking devil has been getting with is that I am doing nothing leadership wise. I haven't had to deal with an conflicts or anything seriously serious, I know that is a blessing from God and I rejoice that we have come together well. But because I haven't had to do anything super leader-y, I feel like I am doing nothing. I know I can always pray more. I can always be more encouraging. I can always clean up around our apartment more. I just feel like I have no purpose here. Today I have been homesick. I hate that. I miss my family and friends, which is fine and good. I just wish that I didn't want to be home yet. This is my last six weeks in Japan possibly ever. I don't want to miss out on what God still has because I am focusing on home. I think a lot of this is harder because I should have this figured out. I should be bold, I should be good at staying on task and being a diligent prayer. Satan's lies are harsh and are running deeper than I realize. I just need clarity. I need affirmation. I need a new purpose. I need a new desire to be here. I need to be broken for the people around me, Japanese and American. I don't want to be this girl. I want to love like Jesus loved, I want to serve selflessly. I want to pray constantly, and rarely for myself. Above all, I need to be more in love with my Savior.

I just need prayer.

I know that my comfort can only come from my True Comforter. I know that I can't do this without Him, but I can't do it without my brothers and sisters either.

I am about 100% sure I am not the only one feeling this way. I know that each and everyone of my teammates is struggling with stuff like this too. Please, don't just pray for me. Pray for them. We are about halfway through our summer. We have all been here about a month. A month is a long time to be away from your family, friends, and a country where you can read the signs and menus. Some have never been in a foreign country before. Some have never been out of the country for this long. Some are having a hard time meeting contacts. We are beat up, tired, and discouraged. Pray for sweet community. Pray we would become a body that lives, move, loves, and prays together. I would love nothing more than for this to be the sweetest community we have ever tasted.

Please pray for the high school interns as they get here tomorrow. A lot of them have never been away from home this long. They will be here six weeks. Some of them just graduated and are spending a majority of the summer in a place that makes it hard to settle things before going off to school. Pray they will not be too homesick or culture shocked. Please pray we as college interns would love and encourage them, and make their transition as easy as possible. Please pray for our unity as a team. We will have to readjust to living with people. We will have to relearn routines. Change is hard, and we are Southern Baptists haha. All jokes aside, it will be hard. Pray that it will be a beautifully easy transition only God could bring.

Pray for our retreat next week. Pray it is restful, rejuvenating, and unifying. Pray that Satan wouldn't mess with it or us. We need this respite from the bustle of the city and the work. Please pray that once we get back we will be ready to run HARD to the end.

Please pray that God would continue to soften the soil. Your prayers are doing so much, more than you and I will probably ever realize. God will accomplish His purposes, His Word will never return void. Pray we would rest in that promise. Pray we would be renewed and reminded of our calling. Pray we would savor every moment we have left in this wonderful country. Pray we would never wish we were somewhere else, pray we would be all here and would live to the hilt of every situation.

Pray for the Japanese Christians we have gotten to meet this summer. Pray for the Japanese church. Pray for a great awakening here. Pray that Japanese Christians would be broken for their country and would share with all they know. Pray that the Japanese church would be alive and growing. Right now it is dead and stagnant. But God is working. Pray that people wouldn't view it as a religion for weak women, but that Christianity would be seen as a relationship with the One True God that brings life, joy, and purpose.

Thank y'all so much for your prayers and support. I would not be here if it weren't for y'all.

Sweet Fellowship

Today was Saturday. Saturday in Japan mean park ministry. A couple teams joined together and went to Yoyogi Park, the Central Park of sorts here in Tokyo. After a quick picnic lunch we split off into pairs to prayer walk and meet people. My friend Cara and I prayer walked for about 2 and a half hours all around the park. It was such a good solid prayer time. My soul had been longing for that more than I realized. After that we headed to the nearest McDonald's for some air conditioning and hopefully some great conversations with people. Well after sitting down and looking all over the place for girls to talk to, we didn't feel led to talk to anyone. Two different sets of girls sat on either side of us but we knew that neither were right, it would just be forcing it. We finally decided to quit looking and just talk. It was easily one of the most encouraging conversations I have had in a long time. We talked about God and life and where we think God is taking us. Basically we planned our lives together filled with church planting, and inviting neighbors over for dinner. Now we just need husbands who are best friends to join it all haha. But seriously, even though we didn't get to share the gospel with anyone, we prayed for a total of 4 hours today. Four hours of prayer!! How wonderful is that?! We were also able to have a conversation that not only encouraged us but glorified Father just as much as if we got to share with people. It was so sweet to just fellowship. I love her so much. I love this group of sisters and brothers God has brought together. I have had so many amazing conversation. Things aren't perfect, we are still learning about each other. But it has been so great to live with people from all over the country and learn how we are all different and the same all at once. Please continue to pray for unity as we hit our stride and as the high school interns get here.

Tonight some friends and I are meeting our Japanese friend we met on a train. We feel like we have known them forever. Pray for opportunities to share with them and to continue our friendship with them.

God has been blowing up so many things in my heart and life. I am still figuring things out, and if you would like more details just message me and hopefully I will have my thoughts together enough to share. But basically, I have absolutely no idea what God wants me to do with my life past college other than seminary but everyday I am getting more and more excited to see what is next. I am so thankful to serve a God who is sovereign, has everything planned out since forever (literally), and is good and loving. I can't wait to see what God is going to let me do in His ministry somewhere in His world.

Thanks for praying! Love y'all!

Ancient Work

This summer has flown by. I am a few days short of being here for a month. The high school interns, or GTs, get here next week. What? I think we are all in just a little bit of shock. God has really been waking me up to how little time I have here. I don't like to think of the end when I still have about two months left, but it will be here before I know it. The more I have thought and prayed, the more I feel like this summer is my last in Japan, perhaps forever. As much as I hate that, it pushes me to take things a little more seriously. I have only a few more short weeks before I go back to America and pick up where I left off with my family, friends, and school. To be honest there is a huge separation in my mind between my life back home and here. I never forget about those I love back home, and miss them when the Lord brings them to mind, but I do sometimes forget that this is not where my life is completely. I just feel so much at home here. I hope and pray my whole team feels the same way. I love these men and women. I am learning so much from them by watching them and through our conversations. It breaks my heart to think of the day when I will wake up and not share a room with 10 other girls. But, at the same time, I know that there is still a lot of work to be done, a lot of things still to happen. I am excited to see what God is going to do. For the longest time I was waiting for the summer to really get started. Father has shown me that it is in full swing. I am excited to go back to work tomorrow and life for Him in this nation as I pray for the people God has broken my heart for.

Every trip that I go on I think God reinforces a different core value. My first one week trip to Germany in 2007 taught me that everything is for God's glory, that is the bottom line of scriptures. In 2008 in Greece I think God reinforced hope of the world, God's church is alive all over the church and no matter who sends me on a trip God is going to use the work we do. Last summer was definitely the summer of joy of the sower. I learned how to count conversations instead of conversations. I learned that no one's salvation or discipleship depend on me, that's all God. I learned how to be joyful even when I lose a contact and trust her in God's hands, the only one who can bring growth any way. This summer, the Lord has really been showing me His ancient work. Ancient work means that God has been doing work long before we arrive anywhere, we don't "take" Jesus with us to a new place because the truth is He's been there since forever and isn't going anywhere. As of right now, ancient work is my favorite because it really shows off His sovereignty, His plan for the world since before He even created it. I mean, all the core values blend together to amount to the same thing, but still haha. In the past month we have run into more people who have either been to American and gone to church, went to a Christian school of some kind, knows a Christian, or was even friends with someone who came last summer. One of my teammates just texted me and said that she met a women who still writes letters with a girl who was an intern here last summer. How awesome is that! Every time I have gone to the big Buddhist temple here I still feel the darkness and am broken for the oppression, but the darkness does not feel as heavy. The air in general doesn't seem to be as heavy as it was last year. Our Father is moving in this place, revival is coming! I firmly believe that it won't be long until Japan become a nation after God's our heart. Of course, it's God's timing and not my own, but I just know He is going to sweep this nation for His glory and renown. Your prayers have been a part of that as much as your support of my trips here. We as a body of believers are working together to reach the ends of the earth. It is such a beautiful thing. So, again, thank you for all your prayers and support! It is definitely not in vain.

Please continue to pray for the people of Japan and their hearts. Pray they will continue to be more and more receptive to the gospel and that it would really take root here.

Please pray for our team. Satan is stirring. Nothing serious, but I think this past week as we have had a big team he has really been working on us, attacking a lot of us to discourage us. Pray for healing, pray for strength and energy. Please pray that we would really start to be unified as a church, not just a group of believers living together. It is my desire to see true community really take place here.

Please pray for the GTs as they get ready to join in the work here. I am so excited for them to get here!

Please pray for wisdom and discernment for me as I pray for and minister to the beautiful women God has put me with this summer. I really do love them all and have truly enjoyed watching Father work in their hearts.

Thank you for your prayers. Please please please keep them up!!

How He Loves

Well friends, it's been a very eventful week. I have been meaning to sit down and write a blog pretty much everyday but I just haven't really had the time. If you have been waiting on a reply to an email, please don't take it personally if it takes me a while. I love you and am praying, but I just get distracted easily haha. But anyways, this will be a long one, so brace yourselves. Here we go!

I will start with the work I have seen Father do first, then I talk about what He has done in me personally.

God keeps bringing people to us, which is very un-Japanese. We have had a woman approach us while we were praying on a bench, a sweet college girl came up to us on the train, and lots of other stories. Yesterday (Friday) my area team went to a university to do some campus ministry. The Journeymen have become friends with a couple of professors here so that is an amazing open door that God has given us here. I really think God is stirring at the campus He has called us to this summer. I struggled with campus ministry last year. I don't know why, mostly fear I guess, but it scared me. The two girls on my team felt the same. We prayed about it, then headed into a hang out spot. I went up to these two girls to ask about English club on campus, but they misunderstood me and pointed to me a place outside the campus, and since she took the time to take me outside and leave her friend, I felt like I needed to stay outside for a while. I was determined to not let fear get the best of me though. After wondering around for a little bit, I finally saw a girl sitting alone on a bench. It was totally a divine appointment. She had pretty much perfect English. She had gone to a Christian school for middle school and high school, so there are seeds planted. We talked for like thirty minutes. It was probably one of the most genuine conversation I've had with a student here. She is my age, and not totally boy crazy. I don't think I have ever met a student my age before. We exchanged information so pray that we will get to meet together and become really good friends, and that ultimately she would come to know Christ.

Today, we had the most interesting 5 minute English experiences I think I have ever been a part of. At the very beginning I talked to this precious woman who was physically handicapped. She could speak really good English, but she had a hard time controlling her movements and talking. She was so excited to practice her English though. She said that she had gone to an art school in New York on scholarship for painting. When she found out that I was a Christian and not a Mormon she gave me a huge hug. I gave her a manga Messiah (anime story of Jesus' life) and my email. She also gave me hers. She really wants to practice her English. And I will gladly practice with her using the Bible. I can't wait to see what God does through these two contacts. Please pray that M-san will be just as excited as the Bible as she is for English and America. Pray that she will be healed body and soul. That was just the beginning of 5ME. It went pretty slow after that until about the last 45 minutes. Then it got crazy. One of my friends was standing next to me and this older man approached us. He couldn't speak too much English, but we understood enough to discover that he's traveled all over America on a Greyhound bus. The man has seen more of the States than I have. Soon after our other two teammates came to join us. Then a guy who is in Japan as a Campus Crusade missionary stopped and talked to one of our guys. It's encouraging to know there are others working here too. Then a man who I think went to college here stopped as well. At this point there are 4 of us and three people who have stopped. Hectic to say the least. Well, the man who had lived in the States had two petitions he wanted us to sign. We are hoping we didn't sign our lives away, but I think it opened doors for us. His shoulder and head were hurt, he said that he had been pushed over by the people he was petitioning to stop. We prayed healing over him and when my friend laid his hand on the man's shoulder, he began to cry. He shook our hands, obviously touched, and left. He came back to give us a calender. We got to talking, and the guy who laid his hand on the man's shoulder got to share about the Holy Spirit and a little bit of what it means to be a Christian. He was interrupted when the clock chimed five, time for our friend to go drinking. It was very obvious that God has been, and is going to continue, working in his life. He said he was going to come to church with us tomorrow. Please pray healing for T-san, heart, soul, and body. He is carrying hurts, pray that God would set him free. Pray for more opportunities to share, and ultimately salvation. I don't think he is very far. All in all, it's been a great first full week of ministry.

Well, now comes what I have been learning. If you need to take a break and come back, go for it. If you want to stop, that's fine too. Just don't forget to pray for the Japanese!

Ok, so I think the biggest thing God has been showing me is that He accomplishes His purposes in His perfect, sovereign timing. That has been beautiful. That is probably going to be a theme for the summer, which I am way excited. I love when God allows bigness moments to just marvel at all He is. Speaking of which, let me tell you how great our God is. Thursday night I was really struggling. Satan knows my weak spots, and as I've heard it said, he magnifies your weakness on the mission field. I know this to be true from experience. I was really having trouble, as girly and ridiculous as this sounds, being patient for my husband. I know, so silly, but it has been a struggle since forever. Honestly, it was just a cover struggle for me not believing God was enough and that He truly knew what is best for me. Satan had been messing with my thoughts all day. I was tired. I hadn't really journaled in a while, so I said goodnight to everyone and busted out the journal. I just spilled it all before the Lord. He gave me peace about it. I knew that I would have freedom from it, but I figured it would be a summer long fight. I went to bed exhausted in every way, but assured that God was in control. After a long but good day of ministry yesterday I stayed at our ministry site because I was supposed to meet a volunteer team there. Well, I thought the were getting there at 5:30 so I just waited around for about 45 minutes for the call from a missionary of the exact time. It came at 6, they weren't going to get there until about 8:15. My heart sank. I felt like I had wasted time. I walked around a little more, found for sure where I was meeting them, then decided to use the time to listen to a podcast or something. I went into McDonald's got a drink and set up shop. I felt like I needed to watch a Breakaway podcast called "The Sacrifice of Isaac". Friends, it was the most freeing sermon I have heard in my life. It was perfect for where I was. Even though I had heard it before, I took notes again. God showed up big time. I saw that once we enter a relationship with God, He does what He needs to until everything in our lives is under His rule. To seek our highest satisfaction in something other than the Lord is death to us. Because of that, the most loving thing He can do is take away what is destroying us. Abraham didn't hesitate when God told him to sacrifice Isaac, the child of promise. It says in Hebrews that Abraham reasoned that God could raise the dead, he knew the true character of God even when he was told to do something that went against all logic and reason. Wow. What faith! What Abraham knew, and I have learned, is that when we trust God with everything, we get to see the beauty of His provision. To receive God's provision we must first get to a place where we can handle it. We must be buried in the dirt until He is all we love and care about. God finally opened my heart to see that when our lives are completely open before Him, we are able to see a to a greater extent, and experience more fully all He is doing in His universe. Through this all, He set me free. I was putting my hope in a man that may not even be out there, and if he is will definitely let me down and not even come close to fulfilling my soul like Jesus.

My world has been completely rocked. I feel like every single worship song I have ever sung I can sing to a great extend. I can now say without a doubt that this Love is greater than life. I don't care if I ever get married or get to be a football mom. I don't really care what happens. Everything melts away in comparison to my Savior, my Redeemer, my Jesus. All else really is rubbish. I cannot even explain the freedom I feel. I never thought it would come this soon. I just wanted to run through the streets singing at the top of my lungs. Everything is different. Thank goodness for miscommunication and that McDonald's in Kichijoji. I am forever changed. I don't care if this summer just goes down hill from here, if I never talk to another Japanese person. If I came for the sole purpose of being set free, that is perfectly ok with me. If you have had this moment, I am sure you rejoice with me. If not, I pray earnestly that you will. Friends, Paul was right: nothing, not one thing, compares to the surpassing greatness of knowing our Savior King. How great is the Father's love for us! I am unaware of any afflictions, eclipsed by His great and mighty glory. I can go on forever, but I will stop for now.

Thank you for reading my ramblings. I love you sweet friends.

Isaiah

I'm sorry I haven't been updating y'all, I was kinda just waiting for something to post about. The rest of the team got here a couple days ago. I don't think I've ever been more excited to see people. It was so great to see people who I had already met and new friends that I hadn't. After only a couple of days, I can say that I love this team so much. God has done a great work in bringing people together from all over the country and different walks of life to serve Him together this summer. I got to experience the most amazing community with the team from last summer, and it has been weird not seeing them here with us, but I am excited to see how God unites us this summer for His glory. Everything is different from last year: new team, different missionary, different ministry plan, and I can just feel that something glorious is going to happen this summer here in Tokyo. We may not fully see the results for years, but I am confident that God is going to stinking rock Tokyo and Japan this summer.

Yesterday my area team and I went to our park to prayer walk and just kinda scope it out. Our park is huge and has a lot of great things for park ministry days. The most interesting thing is the shrine to one of the gods of fortunes. I had been praying earlier that I just wasn't feeling the darkness like I had last year. I didn't want to be hardened to it, I wanted to remember how important the gospel is and feel the urgency to share it. So God told me to go to the shrine and pray. The darkness hit me immediately. I quickly flipped to Isaiah and started praying through chapters 64 and 65. I had forgotten how relevant Isaiah is to Japan. I was shaken up a little bit. I was definitely reminded. I read Isaiah 45-47 this morning, and just got so much out of it. It was one of the best quiet times I've had in a while, thank You Jesus. God reminded me that He will tear down the exalted places, but He does things in His timing. And His timing is perfect. The end of 47:11 says: "...I have spoken, and I will bring it to pass; I have a purpose, and I will do it." Our God is so big and mighty and completely sovereign. He will make Himself famous in Japan and all over the world. But He knows what the right timing is, and it's not mine. If it were up to me, all the temples just all fell down and everyone would turn to Jesus and there would be mass revival all over Japan that would spread all over the world. But I am finite and know nothing of the grand plan the Master Planner has for His creation. I just have to trust, pray, and be obedient.

Please pray that our team would continue to mesh well and just become a family. Some our us are sick, please pray for total and complete healing in every way.

Please pray that I would be sensitive to the Holy Spirit and God's ancient work all around me, and that I would be patient. One of my friends who I went to Germany with in 2007 gave the best definition of patience I have ever heard: "Patience is not just waiting for your turn, it's being ok if you never get one." My job here is to do what I can to help the interns shine as bright as they can for the Lord. We went and did 5 minute English the other day and everyone got to talk to someone but me. That might be a theme for the summer, sitting back and praying for my friends as God uses them to share His story with people. Part of me thinks this in unfair because last summer I didn't really get to have a contact or a Bible study, I should get to have one this summer right? So very wrong. I am not God, He does what He pleases. He accomplishes His purposes in His time. There is no I or Kelley in God or Jesus. I don't really fit in the story, He chooses to use this broken, selfish vassal for His glory, even though I stumble all over myself and trample dirt on His name almost by the minute. That is a little bit of where I am. I am nothing. He is everything. I don't want my nothingness to get in the way of everything He wants to do.

Please pray for volunteer teams as they are gearing up to get here. I am not really sure how many we are going to have, but in the next two week we are going to have three. Pray things will go well, they will be ready to hit the ground running, and that all the interns will know what they are doing haha.

I love y'all. Sorry this is long. I will try to keep y'all more updated to prevent super long blogs in the future. :)

Passion World Tour

Last night one of my teammates and I had the amazing opportunity to attend the Passion Conference World Tour stop here in Tokyo. I already know that will be a highlight of my entire summer. Chris Tomlin led worship and Louie Giglio spoke. That in and of itself is a great way to kick off a summer long mission trip. The greatest part is that we were two of about 2,500. Most of the people around us were Japanese. Every song they played had both the English and Japanese words on the screen. Thousands of people were jumping and raising their hands for the Lord. In a city with a small Christian population, words cannot describe how wonderful it was to see and be a part of that. It reminded us that our God is greater, stronger, and higher than any other. He is awesome in power and Tokyo is His city. Louie presented the gospel so beautifully through a translator. It was exactly what I needed to hear to remind me why I am here, why we share the greatest story ever. God refreshed me, He gave me what I needed to speak to people this summer. At several point in the song portion, Chris would start singing in Japanese. The most powerful was in the chorus of "How He Loves". I wanted to cry it was so beautiful to hear my Japanese brothers and sisters singing of our great Savior's love in their heart language. It is not something that I will forget ever.

Tonight we got to join all the Baptist churches in the Tokyo area for a monthly prayer meeting and for a share time from one of the IMB missionaries. We sang Japanese hymns, listened to a Japanese pastor preach out of Act (all in Japanese of course), and got to be there as the missionary shared the vision for the summer. I think one of the most exciting changes for this summer is that we will be doing a lot more work with established Baptist churches here in Tokyo. I am so excited to see how God is going to use and bless this partnership. I am thinking Father is fixing to explode all over Tokyo and Japan.

I have spent more time with Japanese Christians in the past two days than I got to all summer long last year. My heart is so encouraged to know that this isn't a lost cause. God's ancient work in this city runs deep. I don't know why He chose me, but I am so thankful and humbled that God is letting me be here to see His power and might.

Please be praying for the Japanese church, that it would rise up and God would grow it like crazy.

Please pray for the interns that will be flying here this week from the States.

Please pray against satan's attacks on this summer. I know it will be a lot because I can already see God doing so much. This is not satan's country or people, everything is God's.

Thank you for your prayers! They go farther than you think!

And so it begins...

Well folks, I am writing this from our apartment (the Cave) in Tokyo! It has been a very surreal, roller coaster day. I was able to get where I needed to be on time and never got lost, thanks to God and your prayers. I got to spend some good time with Father on the plane, as well as really get into Through the Gates of Splendor by Elizabeth Elliot. The two combined to be stronger than satan's attempts to get me off track and discouraged. I am excited to be here, but it is so sad being the only person in a room with 12 beds in it. One of the Journeymen told me to enjoy it because the Cave will never be this quiet again, which is very true. I am excited to see what this summer has for our team and the city of Tokyo. God is going to do something big y'all, just keep praying for it. Thank you for your prayers that got me here safely and on time. Thank you for your prayers and your encouragements whenever I need them. This is an invaluable network that I know God is really going to use this summer to make Him name famous in Japan and beyond. Thanks again. Love y'all!

Well folks, May 18th is upon us. I've said most of my goodbyes. I'm mostly packed. But the closer I get to finally boarding the plane, the more unprepared I feel. Part of me wishes I was doing something easy this summer, as selfish as that sounds. I am tired and weary. I can't do this. I feel like I have just wasted my few days at home, I don't really even think I can tell you what I did in them. I would like to think that part of this is humility, but I think it's mostly just my sin nature peeking through. I know I have been called. I know I have been equipped. I know I have the Holy Spirit of the Living God dwelling inside me. And I know that is more than enough. I just want a break. This summer is going to be hard.

In his second letter to the Corinthians, I feel like Paul describes a moment like this. Paul says that even though he has begged and pleaded with God to take this thorn from his side, it remains there. But instead of leaving it at that, Jesus said "My grace is sufficient for you, My power is made perfect it weakness." I feel like God has really pressed this upon my heart recently, which probably means it is going to be a summer of learning what it means to let His power shine through. Which is kind of perfect, because I can think of nothing more that I need. Way more of Him, absolutely none of me.

Brothers and sisters, please pray for me. Please pray for a restful peace to come over me with all of this in my remaining hours in America. Please pray that I would cling to His Word and seek it daily more than food or water. Please pray that I will do what I need to do and be who I need to be to accomplish this task for our Lord. Please pray for my teammates as they are undoubtedly facing some of the same feelings. I am being prepared for an absolute battle this summer. Please pray for strength, humility, harmony, sympathy, and mercy for me and my teammates this summer.

I love y'all very much, and just know that it is by your prayers I am here, I am going, and I will be able to do anything worth anything for God this summer.

Red Eyes.

I'm sorry it's been so long since I have updated y'all on anything. It's been pretty crazy as this school year comes to a close. I will go ahead and share the prayer requests first because they are the most important.

A few of my teammates are still struggling with funds, as far as I know. We leave very soon. Please pray that God would provide peace and money to them all as they wait.

Pray for the team. Pray that God would be able to finish what He wants to have completed in us all before we leave the country. Pray for a spirit of unity and love for us all this summer.

Pray for the missionaries that are busy getting everything worked out for all the interns and volunteers coming this summer.

Here is a selfish one: I have to fly to Japan by myself. As much as I've flown, I have never flown alone before. And I have a layover on the West coast before I can get on the plane for Tokyo. I know God has everything under control and I have nothing to fear, but I am still nervous about a long day of traveling alone. Mostly switching from the domestic terminal to the international one, getting lost, and missing my flight or luggage. I know these are stupid, petty worries. I know that worry is sin. Please pray that God would give me peace about it all, and that I would stop sinning with my worry.

As some of y'all may know, my Grandpa (Dad's dad) passed away on Sunday. Today was his funeral. He had been sick for a long time, and was a believer so his passing has been bittersweet for my family. Alzheimer's robbed my sister and I the chance of really getting to know him, so I knew it wasn't quite as hard for me as it was for my dad, aunts, and older cousins, but it still hit me harder than I thought it would. My Grandpa was an amazing man of God. My oldest cousin did the funeral this morning and it was full of stories about how much my Grandpa did for Hope Baptist church, our family, and the Lord. I realized today just how rich of a Christian heritage I come from. When I was younger and lived in a mostly Hispanic town, I was frustrated with the fact that I didn't really have much of an ethnic heritage to claim like most of my friends did. I now see how foolish I was. My heritage is eternal. As Christians, our citizenship lies in Heaven, not on earth. How wonderful is it that God has given me a family where I can really start to understand that. I have no idea why Father has richly blessed me like He as, but I am incredibly and eternally thankful. He gave me two wonderful, Godly grandfathers who truly value His Word. He gave me two precious, Godly grandmothers who love me deeply with a love more than their own. He gave me the best parents that I could even imagine to ask for. I know that to whom much is given much is expected.

I know that this summer, much is expect of me. As much as I feel prepared, or at least as much as I can be before I go, satan has been creeping in with a fear that I will fail, that I will not love the interns as I should, that I will be selfish and silly, that I will be as bold as I have been called to be. I am 13 days away from getting on a plane and I feel less prepared than I did at the beginning of this semester. I have let fear creep in. I hate satan so stinking much! I know that I have everything I need, I have God. I cannot ask for anything more. I have the Holy Spirit working and moving inside of me. I need nothing else. God is working, Jesus is seated, and the Spirit is helping. Brad said that at our JSI Leadership retreat, and Father can never remind me of that enough.

Today was hard. But God is so faithful and sovereign. I got back from Hope and pretty much came straight to the library to study because I have two finals on Friday (Oh yeah, if you could pray for finals that would be awesome). I hadn't been able to really do my quiet time this morning so I sat down and did that first, I could feel it in my soul that I needed that most. If I had read this morning, I don't know if it would have meant as much. My soul was crying out for its food for the day, and Father brought a feast. The reading plan I am on had 2 Corinthians listed to read. Friends, I have not felt this renewed and joyful in a long time. My outer self was wasting away, but my spirit was strengthened. The ministry that God has called me to this summer is His, not mine. The interns I am called to shepherd are His, I am still a simple little sheep myself. I have been reminded of the freedom of serving in any kind of leadership position doesn't mean that I have to do more, but so much less in order to let Him receive more and more glory, that is rightfully His anyway. Praise God for His Word, the gift of the Holy Spirit to understand it, and the sacrifice of His Son for our sins to bring us the salvation that must come first.

"So we do not lost heart. Though our outer nature is wasting away, our inner nature is being renewed day by day. For this slight momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not at the things that are seen but to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:16-18

Never easy, never safe. It's enough.

To the glory and praise of our Great Father, I am officially done with my fundraising. God brought in exactly what I needed exactly when I needed it every step of the way. I was never super late and I had just enough for every payment. He is faithful. And, it is so great to be done. I have loved learning, but it's very nice to know that I am paid for. To all of you who have given, you have no idea what your generosity means to me. You as just as important in this story as I am. Thank you for being faithful and helping me fulfill God's calling for this summer.

This past weekend I got to go to the iGo Global leadership retreat. It was sooo great to meet my time and spend time with them, as well as team leaders from other iGo trips and of course the iGo staff. I can honestly say that I have never learned so much in such a short time before. I was challenged to the core, I'm still processing it all. I'm sure I will write a post about it all, but it may take a couple more days. To give you a teaser or sorts, I feel focused in on the task at hand and equipped to start the mission God has given. I'm not completely ready just yet though, or else I'd be writing this from Tokyo rather than College Station. I think the key to this all, and the spark that set everything off in my heart is the song "Crazy Love" by Robbie Seay Band.

It is a beautiful song. The line that gets me is: "It's never easy, never safe. It's enough, it's enough," referring to God's love. I was listening to it on the way up to visit some friends before the retreat. As I was sitting in Ft. Worth traffic I realized for the first time that even if I wanted to, I couldn't walk away from God. I have nowhere else to go. I have nothing else to do. I know nothing would fill me, not even close. For the first time in my life, I realized how deep in this I actually am. It hit me with the force of a hurricane. I don't want to live life for myself. I don't want the easy, the safe, the ordinary. There is so much more than a safe Christian life. I am coming to the point where I will just leave my yes on the table and finally be able to follow God no matter what the cost. I've tasted and I've seen how great and marvelous and crazy the love of our Father is. I don't want to be any part of who I am if it would keep me from living completely for His glory. I am not that great, important, funny, or worth it. Nothing is. He is it. If it means I lose my friends or my laugh or anything that people like about me, then so be it. Everything that is in me God gave me for His glory. I want to live radically for the bottom line. God is leading me on this hard, dangerous, beautiful, exhilarating adventure and there is nowhere else I'd rather be. It may cost me everything, but anything other than God is utter rubbish, crap even, compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing my Savior God and King more.

I used to think that my testimony was boring. But the truth is, God has really kept me out of a lot of trouble in my life. It's not that I'm a "good kid". Not even close. I'm not. God has kept me from the hard things. I don't know why He chose that for me, but I am very thankful. It doesn't mean anything but that He chose to reveal more of His glory in my life that way. Looking back, I see His grace and protection all through my life to this point. I have also realized that all this time I struggled trusting God because I was scared He would start working on me, then just leave. I was soooo off. He was always there, I was the one that left. That realization hit me like a ton of bricks. I had never even thought of it that way. My testimony is not boring. To say that is calling God boring. He chooses to manifest His glory differently in every single one of His children. His love for us is crazy, it's unpredictable, and it takes us places we never thought we would go.

Right now, we are in the home stretch of pre-trip preparation. There is a lot between now and May 18th. But no matter what happens, God's love is changing me, preparing me, ruining me. Stay tuned friends, this is only the beginning.

Pray. Serve. Love.

At approximately this time next Saturday, I will be meeting and/or reuniting with my teammates for the summer. To say that I am excited is an understatement. I've been waiting for this weekend pretty much all semester. I can't wait to meet the people behind the names and Facebook profiles. I can't wait to start the process of getting to know everyone deeply and learning how to pray for, serve, and love on them.

Speaking of praying, serving, and loving, these are the words God as given me to focus on this summer. I want to pray harder than I ever have. I want to serve completely selflessly. I want to love as Christ loves. This is probably the best way to pray for me personally, that God would really develop all three of those in my life now, in Japan, and beyond. It will take ample amounts of patience, obedience, and abandonment of myself and my desires. It's going to be a long hard road, but I know it will be beautiful. God has so much more for me that just me. Please pray that I would start now. That I would wake up every morning, turn the reigns over to Father, and walk as He calls me too. Satan has already started his resistance. I am afraid my selfishness will get in the way. I am far too fond of myself and what I want to fully pour myself out. I don't want this to be an issue. I want to serve people, not just please them. The moment I stop striving to serve and just start trying to please is when satan starts to win. Please pray against that. I know who God is calling me to be. I know I have everything I need to get there, or more simply, I have the Spirit of the Living God living in me. It's not about what I can do, but what I will let Him do instead. It's not about me. Period. I just want to disappear. I have been holding onto who I want to be for so long. I don't want to be who I am if it's not who God wants me to be. Life is not about being funny and liked, it's about bringing glory to the Creator and Savior of the universe. Pray that I will disappear and let Him transform me, no matter what I have to let go of (some verses God as given me for this summer are John 15:12-13, Philippians 2:3, and Colossians 4:2-5. There are a ton more, but God has given these specifically).

Our deadline is also a week from today. God has been gracious and I only need a few hundred. Words cannot express how thankful I am to God and to all those who have helped me get where I am. I have been so blessed in this whole fundraising process. God has taught me so much, but I'm not going to lie, I will be VERY happy and relieved to be done. Some of my teammates are not as far along as I am. One sweet girl still needs about half. That is not much for God is a week, but that seems almost impossible in our small, limited human minds. Please pray that God would work a miracle in her life in fundraising. Please pray for my other teammates who are not quite there yet either. I fully expect God to come through and I can't wait to hear the amazing stories of His sweet faithfulness next week.

Thank y'all for your prayers and support. Because of y'all, God is doing great things in me life. I would not be where or who I am without y'all. I love you all dearly.

Do you trust Me?

Well friends, a lot has happened recently.

Last week, due to a misunderstanding, I thought my trip was almost completely paid for. I was so relieved and was just praising our Father. A couple of hours later I was informed that instead of needing $40, I actually needed $940. Satan really used it to shake me up a little bit and just blatantly taunted me. I thought I had done a good job about giving the fundraising part to God. I wasn't as good as I thought. It's been really hard this past week not worrying about the money. My final deadline in April 11. I know $940 is nothing for God, and that He is above what we think our time lines should be. I wanted to be done early. He planned differently. God did give me a very good illustration tonight though.

I work at the Association of Former Students here at A&M. I call former students to make sure we have the correct information for them and to ask for donations to a scholarship fund of sorts. For most of this semester we have been calling people that have never given before. It's been tough work. Last week my boss made this wonderful deal that the first gift we got of a certain amount that we got, as long as we has at least a 25% success rate, we could leave early and get paid for the full shift. Last week I got out within an hour of every shift. Tonight wasn't working out that way. There were only about 5 of us left and I have a test tomorrow so I really wanted to get out early but it just wasn't happening for me. I asked God why it wasn't working out like last week when I asked Him to get out early and He let me. I was very open with my co-workers that I prayed that if it was in His will that God would let me get out early and I gave Him the glory for it every time. God told me to put my notes away. I didn't listen for a couple calls. Finally, I obeyed. I had already had three no's. One more and I know I was pretty much stuck for the whole shift. I called a man who I really didn't think would give me anything just from how the call started. But, to God's complete glory, the man gave me what I needed and I got out an hour early. It was the last call I could make and get out early. I trusted God, I obeyed, and He was faithful. As I was driving back to my house I realized just what God had done. He waited until the last minute to give me what I needed. That is what He is doing with my fundraising. He will provide what I need, but He'll keep me waiting.

It's hard, but I am thankful for a God who is outside of time and who knows far better than I do about what I need. (Isaiah 55:8-9)

Please pray for my team and me as we anxiously await the rest of our funds. This can one of the hardest times of the whole trip, just trusting Father. Please pray we would completely trust and give our anxieties and fears to Him.

Please pray as we prepare for our leadership retreat next weekend. We are all very excited. Pray for the iGo Global staff as the put all the finishing touches on it and that it all falls into place.

Pray for the missionaries as they fly in from the field to be with us.

Please pray for my left ankle. I fractured my fibula in December (and by that I mean I tore tendons from the bone) and it's been bothering me recently. It's mostly healed, just not all the way yet. I will be on it A LOT in Tokyo and would love for it to be better by then.

Sorry it's long. Love y'all!

Weapons of our Warfare

So when I sat down to write this blog I thought I was going to write on one thing, but God quickly redirected my thoughts. Instead of a little Kelley update this is a plea for prayer, a call to battle.

John Piper refers to prayer as our wartime walkie talkie. It is not part of the ministry, it IS the ministry. It is also our most powerful weapon against the enemy. 2 Corinthians 10:4 says, "For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have the divine power to destroy strongholds." If Satan ever had a stronghold, friends, it's Japan. And he does not want to give it up. He as been attacking our team like crazy, especially when it comes to the fundraising part. We are about three weeks away from our final deadline, and it's a big one. Satan has been attacking us all in other ways as well, in our walks and relationships. We are 56 days away from flying out. This is crunch time for all of our preparation. That is a long and a short time all at the same time. It's not that long in the grand scheme of things, but it's long enough for Satan to do work and mess things up.

Please pray for a team as we really start to suit up the battle that lies ahead. Don't be afraid to pray big prayers for God's power to move. He is the almighty Creator of the universe. Satan is losing and he knows it. Now is our time to step up and take the enemy on the enemy with all we have. We have what we need, we just need to let His boldness fill us and lose ourselves for the sake of the Gospel.

Please pray for us to all trust the Great Provider to provide the rest of the money. Pray for affirmation of our calling as well. A lot of time Satan tangles these two together to throw some off.

Please pray for our retreat on April 9-10. Pray that we would start to bond and pray for one another and really get excited and focused for the summer.

Please pray for me. Pray that God would take me out of the picture. I just want to love the interns this summer with all I have in me. I want to pour myself out for them as a drink offering before the Lord. I know Satan will attack and make me selfish. Please ask that God would guard my heart and mind against those thoughts and emotions. I just want to be a beacon of Christ's love and encouragement as much as possible. I want to disappear so He is all that anyone sees.

Thank you so much for your prayer and support. You are just as much a part of this battle as I am, don't ever forget it. Prayer makes all this possible.

Love y'all dearly.

Far more abundantly...

This past weekend I had the opportunity to be a small group leader at the disciple now at my home church. We studied the stories of Daniel, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. God showed me how all of those guys stepped out in faith and God was faithful and blessed them even though He didn't have to. Right before Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego get thrown into the fiery furnace they basically say God has the power to save us, but even if He chooses not to we're not going to bow down to your gods. What faithfulness! They didn't care what happened to them, they knew God had commanded them to have not other gods and they followed (cue "Burn Us Up" by Shane & Shane). Of course, God was more than faithful and used to whole thing to make Himself famous before a pagan king and his kingdom. Daniel heard of the decree that called for people to only pray though King Darius. Instead of giving in, or praying secretly, he prayed with his windows open to Jerusalem and got himself thrown into the lion's den. The next morning he got out without a scratch and a few more furry friends. Again, God didn't have to save Daniel, but He did and again He got the glory for it before pagans.

I kinda have a story like that now...

Last time around I told y'all that I only needed $2,200. Well, as of today, I only need $1,395!!! I walked into my room after getting home from class today and found two envelopes on my bed. One was a letter. One was a white envelope with a red dot on it so that it looked like the Japanese flag. I picked it up and noticed it was thick. I opened it and found $805 in cash and no note. I have NO idea who it came from, my roommates said it was just in our mailbox, but it had obviously not been mailed. I stepped out in faith, a little reluctantly I must say, and trusted that God would bring me what I need to get to Japan. I had no idea where He was going to bring it from, but I gave it to Him. And then He did this. I didn't have to face a fiery potential death or a pit of ferocious felines, or anything, but was still faithful and blessed me to make Himself famous.

I had nothing to do with the money that was so graciously given to me. Nothing I ever did inspired those people to do that for me. It was all God, all the way around. I cried tears of joy and just thanked God for His faithfulness. I am blown away by my Savior and Provider. How stinking awesome is our God?!

"Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to Him be the glory in the church in Christ Jesus throughout all the generation, forever and ever. Amen." Ephesians 3:20-21

Already counting down.

So today is March 3rd. I don't leave until May 18th. This has not prevented a few of my teammates and from starting the countdown. I think it's like 75 or something like that today. It's going to be here before we know it. I am just ready to be there and hit the ground running for the Lord. Fundraising in coming along. I only need about $2,200 by April 9th. That is pocket change in God's eyes. I am excited to see how He is going to provide. He has been able to keep me at peace with the money and I can probably attribute that to your prayer, so thanks! :)

I really believe that my entire life has been building up to these three months in Japan and my life beyond. God has been so near and so ready to reveal purpose behind even the smallest things in my life in preparation. Most days I'm excited about going back. Today I just want to be there right now. If I could, I would drop everything and just be there. Too bad we really can't teleport. I know, though, that I will get there when God wants me there, not a minute sooner or later.

Please pray for my teammates and I as Satan tempts us into forgetting the task at hand as we prepare for the summer to come.

Please pray that all of our money would just flood in as God reminds us that His steadfast love and faithfulness with never fail us.

Please pray for IMB Tokyo as a lot of changes have been made in the leadership of the team. Please pray for the new volunteer coordinators for IMB Tokyo. Pray that the plan for the summer would really take shape and that organizing and mobilizing all of the volunteer teams would go smoothly.

Please pray for the Japanese who are waiting to hear. Ask that God would continue to stir up His ancient work in that country and that we would see a great revival in our lifetimes.

Thank you all so much for your prayer, love, and support. All of y'all have had a influence in my life that has brought me to this point. Love y'all!

Burn, burden, break me.

"Father, take my life, yea, my blood if Thou wilt, and consume it with Thine enveloping fire. I would not save it, for it is not mine to save. Have it Lord, have it all. Pour out my life as an oblation for the world. Blood is only of value as it flows before Thine alter." -Jim Elliot

Jim Elliot prayed that at the age of 21. Seven years later, he was killed by the very people group he had been praying would come to know Christ for six years. Shadow of the Almighty by Elisabeth Elliot is perhaps the best Christmas present I have ever been given. Compiled by his wife, the book is mostly Jim's journal entries and letters he wrote from high school to the time of his death. Reading the prayers of a man who truly understood that the gospel was worth more than his own life was both challenging and encouraging. God really used the book to wake me up, to shake me up. This is a new year. A new semester. It's time to start living His love.

On night over my Christmas break, Father pulled the veil back and gave me a larger view of what He is doing in and around me. Every single tear and hurt from last semester He has used to get me to where I am now. I am ready to become more of the woman He created me to. That requires a complete loss of self in Him. Never has that idea brought so much joy and excitement to my heart. There is a line from a John Mark McMillan song that has become a simple prayer of mine: "I dreamed I'd bleed with Your praises, just to make the world smell like Your grace again." I am finally ready to let go, to count it all as a loss because knowing Him is so much greater than whatever I could find in this world. I am beginning to see His worth, and I am starting to chase after it. I know that I will not just go from timidity to Paul-like boldness overnight or even quickly, but I am ready to begin that process. I don't want to think myself out of things. Obedience is worth whatever the "cost" may be.

It is very easy to forget how important and urgent the gospel is, especially when we are surrounded by other believers or are in a culture where the norm is to claim Christ. I think we also fear that we have to stand on a street corner and preach, or that unbelievers would think we're weird-0 Christians and will shut us down. I pray that when we see the world as Christ does, we would love as He does, serve joyfully. We should strive to be weird-o Christians in that we don't complain or react as if we had not been freed by grace. Grace has set us free. But, the moment we received His grace we received His calling to share the Good News with everyone we come in contact with. It's not a suggestion, or even a commandment. It is what marks a heart and life that are completely surrendered to the Greater Plan and the Ultimate Planner. It's not about us. We all know the first part of Psalm 46:10: "Be still and know that I am God...". We tend to leave off the rest of the rest of the verse: "I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!". God's heart and ultimate plan of it all is to bring fame and glory to Himself, because He and He alone is worthy of all praise on earth. He is so passionate for His name that He sent His holy and perfect Son to die for wicked sinners like ourselves so we could experience the joy in knowing Him and in turn share with the nations.

There is no formula for sharing the gospel. No magic words, no special prayer. We were sinners, Jesus was perfect. He loved us and died so we could know that love. God is sovereign, He works all things out for His purposes. There is absolutely no way we can mess things up, as long as we are being obedient. We will say silly things sometimes. We will give bad examples. We will misquote or misplace a verse or two. Our Marvelous Lord is much bigger than our words or actions. No one's salvation or discipleship depend on us, that's all God. How freeing is that? He has everything under control with a constant invitation to us to join in His ancient work in every nation, tribe, and tongue. Rest in that freedom, marvel in it, and share His love and grace.

Please pray that as Christians all over, we would really grasp these truths and that God would start a revival in our Jerusalems, Judeas and Samarias, and to the ends of the earth.

"But God shows His love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Since, therefore, we have now been justified but His blood, much more shall we be saved by Him from the wrath of God." -Romans 5:8-9

"But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For His sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in Him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes from God that depends of faith-that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection, and may share in His sufferings, becoming like Him in His death, that by any means possible I may attain resurrection from the dead." -Philippians 3:7-11