In Need

Please forgive the selfishness, but this one is going to be about me.

For the past couple weeks I have been in this funk that I just can't shake. I have good days and bad days, but for the most part I just feel tired and ineffective. I know a lot of it is lies from Satan. I know this is an attack. I am taking time alone with the Lord, not as much as I could be but it's not like it's on the back burner. I just don't know what to do. I am exhausted most of the time, too exhausted to try to talk with my teammates about how they are doing. Attack. Every time I go to a temple I get a headache that hinders me for the rest of the day. Satan. I hate saying all of this because I feel like a complainer, but I know that I need your help. I know that I need your prayer and encouragement. I am so weak, and I am ineffective, but I belong to and serve a Holy, Sovereign God who wants to use my weakness to make Him more famous. I think the biggest thing that the freaking devil has been getting with is that I am doing nothing leadership wise. I haven't had to deal with an conflicts or anything seriously serious, I know that is a blessing from God and I rejoice that we have come together well. But because I haven't had to do anything super leader-y, I feel like I am doing nothing. I know I can always pray more. I can always be more encouraging. I can always clean up around our apartment more. I just feel like I have no purpose here. Today I have been homesick. I hate that. I miss my family and friends, which is fine and good. I just wish that I didn't want to be home yet. This is my last six weeks in Japan possibly ever. I don't want to miss out on what God still has because I am focusing on home. I think a lot of this is harder because I should have this figured out. I should be bold, I should be good at staying on task and being a diligent prayer. Satan's lies are harsh and are running deeper than I realize. I just need clarity. I need affirmation. I need a new purpose. I need a new desire to be here. I need to be broken for the people around me, Japanese and American. I don't want to be this girl. I want to love like Jesus loved, I want to serve selflessly. I want to pray constantly, and rarely for myself. Above all, I need to be more in love with my Savior.

I just need prayer.

I know that my comfort can only come from my True Comforter. I know that I can't do this without Him, but I can't do it without my brothers and sisters either.

I am about 100% sure I am not the only one feeling this way. I know that each and everyone of my teammates is struggling with stuff like this too. Please, don't just pray for me. Pray for them. We are about halfway through our summer. We have all been here about a month. A month is a long time to be away from your family, friends, and a country where you can read the signs and menus. Some have never been in a foreign country before. Some have never been out of the country for this long. Some are having a hard time meeting contacts. We are beat up, tired, and discouraged. Pray for sweet community. Pray we would become a body that lives, move, loves, and prays together. I would love nothing more than for this to be the sweetest community we have ever tasted.

Please pray for the high school interns as they get here tomorrow. A lot of them have never been away from home this long. They will be here six weeks. Some of them just graduated and are spending a majority of the summer in a place that makes it hard to settle things before going off to school. Pray they will not be too homesick or culture shocked. Please pray we as college interns would love and encourage them, and make their transition as easy as possible. Please pray for our unity as a team. We will have to readjust to living with people. We will have to relearn routines. Change is hard, and we are Southern Baptists haha. All jokes aside, it will be hard. Pray that it will be a beautifully easy transition only God could bring.

Pray for our retreat next week. Pray it is restful, rejuvenating, and unifying. Pray that Satan wouldn't mess with it or us. We need this respite from the bustle of the city and the work. Please pray that once we get back we will be ready to run HARD to the end.

Please pray that God would continue to soften the soil. Your prayers are doing so much, more than you and I will probably ever realize. God will accomplish His purposes, His Word will never return void. Pray we would rest in that promise. Pray we would be renewed and reminded of our calling. Pray we would savor every moment we have left in this wonderful country. Pray we would never wish we were somewhere else, pray we would be all here and would live to the hilt of every situation.

Pray for the Japanese Christians we have gotten to meet this summer. Pray for the Japanese church. Pray for a great awakening here. Pray that Japanese Christians would be broken for their country and would share with all they know. Pray that the Japanese church would be alive and growing. Right now it is dead and stagnant. But God is working. Pray that people wouldn't view it as a religion for weak women, but that Christianity would be seen as a relationship with the One True God that brings life, joy, and purpose.

Thank y'all so much for your prayers and support. I would not be here if it weren't for y'all.